Practical Babysitting Advice for First-Time New Moms: What I Wish I’d Known Early On
Last Tuesday, I was sitting on my kitchen floor folding crumpled hand-me-down onesies while my toddler stuffed cheerios into the heating vent, when my phone pinged with a text from my 28-year-old sister Lila, who had her first baby eight weeks ago: PLEASE. I need advice on babysitting. I’m this close to crying just thinking about leaving him for a 45-minute grocery run. How do people even do this?
I stared at that text for a minute, because I remembered that feeling so clearly. When my son was born, I turned down three separate offers to babysit in his first two months. I told everyone I just wasn’t ready, but really I was convinced no one could swaddle him tight enough, no one would notice his tiny pre-cry fuss that meant he needed a burp, no one would keep him safe the way I could. When I finally had to leave him with my mom for a 45-minute annual checkup, I cried in the doctor’s parking lot for 10 minutes before I even went in. I checked my phone 17 times in that hour.
I texted Lila back and told her the first mistake I made was trying to jump straight into a 3-hour date night with a stranger I found on a babysitting app. I spent three weeks interviewing people, overthought every tiny red flag (one girl had a tattoo of a cat on her wrist, I decided that meant she was irresponsible, which is so ridiculous looking back) and ended up canceling anyway because I was too nervous. The thing that actually worked for me was starting tiny. Your first trip out of the house alone doesn’t have to be a big event. It can just be a 20-minute walk around the block to get an iced coffee, while the sitter hangs out at your place with the baby. That’s low-stakes for everyone. If the baby fusses the whole time, you’re only 5 minutes away. If you panic the whole time, you get home early, no harm done. When I did that with my next-door neighbor, who had two toddlers of her own, I came back to find her sitting on my couch watching TV, my son asleep on her chest, and she hadn’t even had to text me once. That gave me enough confidence to try a 2-hour trip a week later.
Next, I told her to throw out that 3-page typed list of rules she was working on. I made one of those my first time too, with notes like “pat his back 3 times after every ounce of bottle” and “only use the green pacifier, the blue one makes him fuss.” When my neighbor saw it, she laughed and crossed out 90% of it. “If I have a question, I’ll text you,” she said. “I’ve held a baby before.” Now I tell all new moms to keep your instruction sheet to one 4×6 index card. Only write down the non-negotiables: any allergies, the lock code for the front door, where you keep extra diapers and diaper rash cream, your cell phone number, and the pediatrician’s after-hours line. That’s it. You don’t need to write down your entire napping routine. Most people who agree to babysit know how to handle a baby, and if something is off, they’ll call you.
The question no one talks about is paying, even when it’s family. Lila asked if she needed to pay her mom, who was coming to watch the baby, and I told her yes, at least offer something. My first time having my mom watch my son, I just brought her a loaf of bread from the grocery store and thought that was enough. Later, she mentioned offhand that she’d canceled her weekly book club to come over, and she would have taken gas money at least. It doesn’t have to be full market rate, but always offer. For a friend or family member, $10 an hour is totally reasonable, or offer to pick up their grocery order next time, or leave $20 for them to order takeout after you leave. Most of the time people will turn it down, but offering removes that awkward undercurrent of “did I ask too much?” that lingers if you don’t.
One tiny thing I always tell people now: leave twice as many diapers and wipes as you think you need, and pack at least one extra outfit a size bigger than what your baby is wearing now. The first time I left my son with a teen babysitter, I only left three diapers for a four-hour trip, and all the extra onesies I packed were his exact size. He had a massive blowout that went through his clothes and the extra, and I didn’t have any bigger ones packed because I’d put them away in the attic. The babysitter had to run to her house and grab a hand-me-down, which worked out fine, but it would have saved everyone 10 minutes of stress if I’d just thrown an extra onesie in the drawer.
I also told Lila it’s okay to feel guilty, but don’t let that guilt ruin the time you’re gone. I used to check my phone every 30 seconds when I was out, turning a nice dinner with my husband into a stressful mess of me refreshing my texts over and over. The only thing that worked for me was turning on Do Not Disturb, and only allowing calls and texts from the sitter to come through. If something is wrong, they’ll reach you. If they don’t text, that means everything is fine. You don’t need to check in every 10 minutes.
Lila’s mom is coming over tomorrow, and Lila is going to get her roots done and eat a whole sandwich in the salon waiting room without anyone needing to be held. She still texted me this morning saying she’s this close to canceling. I told her that’s normal. I still get a tiny twist in my stomach when I leave my son with a sitter, two years later. Last month I went to a movie, and I checked my phone once when the sitter didn’t text for two hours, convinced something had happened. Turned out my toddler had conked out early on the couch and she was just watching Netflix quietly. It’s never going to be completely stress-free, not at first. But it’s worth it to get an hour to yourself, to drink a warm coffee, to not be “mom” for just a little while. You don’t have to have it all figured out before you go. You just have to walk out the door.
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