First Time Mom Struggling: What I Learned When My 5 Month Old Got Bronchiolitis
3:17 a.m., I’m sitting on the living room couch, my 5-month-old Eli propped on my chest, and I can hear it: that rattly, whistling wheeze every time he breathes in. The half-eaten granola bar I grabbed at 1 a.m. is sweating through its wrapper next to me, the cool mist humidifier hums so loud it drowns out the white noise machine, and my phone screen is still stuck on a pediatric blog post titled “When To Worry About Baby Wheezing” that I’ve read 14 times since 10 p.m.
A week before this, I thought I’d finally cracked first time mom life. Eli was napping twice a day for two hours each, sleeping six straight hours at night, I’d just started my first week of part-time remote work, and I’d even folded and put away all his onesies three days in a row. He got a little runny nose on Monday, I wiped it with a burp cloth, figured it was the mild cold my niece brought home from daycare, no big deal. All the books say minor colds are normal for little babies, right? By Tuesday night, he was coughing so hard he spit up all over my favorite faded sweatshirt, and when I held him close I could feel the rattle in his chest all the way through his pajamas. I called the after-hours line, threw a diaper bag together in five minutes, and drove to urgent care as the sky turned pink from the sunset.
The doctor confirmed it was bronchiolitis, most likely RSV, said his oxygen levels were fine and he wasn’t bad enough to admit to the hospital. We left with a crumpled pamphlet and a list of generic instructions, and I got in the car crying, convinced I’d done something wrong. I took him to the grocery store last weekend, I let my friend hold him when she mentioned a slight cough, I should have been more careful. That’s the thing about being a first time mom, right? Every little bad thing that happens to your baby feels like a failure on your part.
The first two days were a mess, mostly because I got all the small stuff wrong, which I didn’t see anyone talk about online. I’d read suctioning clears congestion, so I suctioned Eli’s nose every time he fussed—every hour, after every cough, before every feed. By the end of the first day, his little nostrils were red and irritated, and he screamed every time he saw the bulb syringe coming. When the pediatrician called to check in the next morning, she told me the first mistake most first time parents make is over-suctioning. Saline works by loosening mucus, so you put one drop in each nostril, wait 10 minutes for it to work, then suction once. You only do this four times a day max: right before each of the three main feeds and right before bed. Any more than that and you irritate the nasal lining, which causes more swelling and more congestion. I adjusted that day, and within 12 hours, he was far less fussy about nose care.
I also kept trying to force him to stick to his old feeding routine: 6 ounces every four hours, just like he did when he was well. He’d suck twice, pull away, cry, wheeze, and I’d panic that he was dehydrated, and we’d both end up in tears. The pediatric nurse told me to try switching to 2 ounces every hour, instead. When babies are congested, they can’t breathe and suck for long stretches, so smaller, more frequent feeds are easier on their lungs and they still get enough fluid to stay hydrated. I tried it that afternoon, and it worked. His wet diapers stayed right on track, and we cut down on post-feed spit up by half.
Another small trick no one explained clearly to me was how to safely elevate his head while he sleeps. Everyone says keeping babies elevated helps with congestion, but I knew pillows and extra blankets were unsafe for small babies. The nurse told me to fold a full-size bath towel twice, then slip it under the head end of his crib mattress, so the whole top of the mattress is tilted just enough to keep mucus from pooling in his throat while he sleeps. No loose fabric, no safety risk, just a small tilt that made a huge difference in how well he slept at night. When he’s extra wheezy during the day, I prop him upright on my chest with my back leaning against the couch, leaning forward just a little, to open his airways more than lying flat. That small shift cuts down on coughing fits a lot.
My mom offered to come stay the first three days, and I kept saying no, I’ve got it. I was so convinced that as a first time mom I had to handle this alone to prove I could do it. My husband got home from work on day three, took a fussy, wheezing Eli from my arms when I was shaking from three nights of no sleep, and told me to go take a shower and nap. I stood outside the bathroom door for the first five minutes, listening for any change in Eli’s breathing, before I finally got in and washed my hair. I realized then that turning down help just to prove something doesn’t help anyone, least of all your sick baby.
It’s day seven now, and the wheezing is mostly gone. The rattle in his chest only comes when he cries hard now, and he’s starting to bat at his play gym again for the first time all week. The folded towel is still under his crib mattress, we still do 2-ounce feeds some of the time when he’s too fussy to handle more, and I still haven’t caught up on the work I missed or the overflowing laundry basket of spit-up stained onesies by the dryer. I had cereal for dinner again last night.
I still get a small twist in my chest when I hear him cough in his sleep, and the guilt that I could have prevented this still nips at me sometimes. But I also know now that 1 in 3 babies get bronchiolitis before their first birthday, it’s just part of being little, and no amount of hand sanitizer or staying inside can stop every cold. The things that helped weren’t fancy medicines or a perfect strict routine. They were the small, boring, specific things: waiting 10 minutes after saline to suction, smaller feeds, a folded towel, letting someone else hold him for 20 minutes while I shower. We’re not all the way back to our old routine yet, and that’s okay. Right now, that’s enough.
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