Anti-Racism Resources for 5 Year Olds: What I Found That Works For My Kid
Last month, I was wiping strawberry jam off my 5-year-old Lila’s forearm at the neighborhood playground when she pointed across the mulch to the new little girl who’d just moved in down the street, and yelled, “Mom! Why is her skin brown and mine is beige?”
My face heated up immediately. The girl’s mom was standing right by the slide, and I was sure she’d heard. I mumbled an apology under my breath before I fumbled out a quick answer, but that interaction stuck with me. I realized I had no idea how to talk about this with Lila in a way that made sense for her age, and I had zero resources I trusted.
That night, after I got her to bed, I pulled out my laptop and started searching. Every list I found was either full of books for elementary kids two or three grades ahead, or got into heavy topics I knew Lila couldn’t wrap her head around. I ordered three books anyway, just to try them, and when they came a week later I sat down to read them with her after dinner. The first one started talking about unfair rules from 100 years ago, and Lila interrupted me three pages in to ask for a cookie. The second one insisted “we’re all the same inside!” which felt wrong, because Lila had just clearly noticed we’re not the same on the outside—pretending differences don’t exist felt like a lie to her. I ended up donating both to the local elementary school library and went back to the drawing board.
I called my cousin, who teaches pre-K at a public school in the city, and asked her what she uses. She told me something that changed how I thought about this whole thing: 5-year-olds think in concrete, simple terms. They don’t need big lectures or deep discussions of inequality. They just need small, everyday things that fit into how they see the world.
She gave me a few specific suggestions, and I tried them over the last month, and most of them have stuck. First, the books that actually work for 5-year-olds. The first one is The Skin You Live In by Michael Tyler. It rhymes, compares skin colors to things kids know—different shades of coffee, cookies, and sun tan—and it’s just 20 pages long. Lila asks to read it at least once a week, and she likes to point to my arm and her arm and the cover and name all the different shades. The other one that’s a hit is Hair Love by Matthew A. Cherry. It’s a simple story about a Black dad learning to do his daughter’s curly hair, there’s no heavy lesson, just a sweet story about a family. It normalizes seeing people who look different than us in happy, ordinary situations, which is exactly what a 5-year-old needs. I also like that it’s not all about talking about race all the time—sometimes it’s just a story, and that’s enough.
Next, the tiny, cheap resource that’s made more of a difference than any expensive book I bought: a pack of 12 multicultural skin tone crayons. They cost three dollars on Amazon, and I keep them in Lila’s art bin. Before, when she drew people, she just used the only peach shade for everyone. Now, she pulls out different shades for different people, and when she drew our family last week, she used the dark brown shade for our friend Uncle Ray, who’s Black, and commented that it matched exactly. It’s such a small thing, but it lets her practice talking about and noticing differences in a low-pressure way.
I also keep a few short Sesame Street clips saved to my phone for when I need 10 minutes to cook dinner. They’re 2 to 3 minutes long, hosted by different Black and Brown creators, and they explain in simple words that skin color doesn’t make anyone better or worse, that it’s okay to notice differences, and that we’re all supposed to be kind to everyone. Lila thinks they’re just fun little cartoons, and I don’t have to plan a big lesson around them.
The biggest thing I’ve learned, though, isn’t even about the resources. I used to think if my kid pointed out someone’s skin out loud in public, I needed to hush her and move on, because it’s rude to notice. But that just teaches kids that talking about race is something bad or taboo, which is the opposite of what we want. Now, if Lila says something out loud, I just answer simply, right there. If she asks why someone’s hair is different, I say “Their hair grows curly just like that, it’s so cool!” If she asks why someone’s skin is a different color, I say “People are born with all different colors of skin, just like we’re born with different colors of eyes. It’s just what makes you you.” That’s all she needs, 9 times out of 10. She doesn’t want a long explanation, she just wants an answer, then she’s off to play.
Last week, Mia, the new girl from the playground, came over for a playdate. Lila dragged her over to the art bin immediately, pulled out the skin tone crayons, and said “Let’s draw each other!” She picked the warm dark brown crayon for Mia’s skin, and held it up to her arm to check, and said “See? Perfect. Your skin is so pretty.” Mia grinned and colored Lila’s arm beige, and they went off to play dolls after that. Mia’s mom told me later that she’d had other kids stare or ask awkward questions, so that small moment meant a lot.
I still don’t have it all figured out. Last week Lila asked me why some people are mean to other people because of their skin, and I fumbled the answer, kept it simple, and changed the subject when I could tell she was getting bored. I’m sure I’ll mess up a lot more as she gets older and asks harder questions. Right now, though, these small, simple resources are working. I don’t need to do a big formal program for my 5-year-old. I just need good books, a pack of crayons, and the courage to answer her questions simply instead of shushing her. That’s enough for now.
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