What To Do When Your Child Says “Some Of My Teachers Mock Me”
Last Tuesday, I pulled up to the middle school pickup line in a rainstorm, wipers slapping so hard I could barely see the kids huddled under the overhang. Mia climbed in the back, hood pulled over her curly hair, and didn’t reach for the sour candy I keep in the center console like she usually does. She just twisted the frayed neoprene wrap on her soccer water bottle, over and over, until I asked if anything was off. That’s when she mumbled it, so quiet I almost missed it: “Some of my teachers mock me.”
I gripped the steering wheel so hard my knuckles turned white. My first instinct was to do a U-turn right back to the school and bang on the front office door. But she hurried to add, “Don’t say anything, okay? They’ll just call me sensitive and it’ll get worse.” So I pulled into the parking lot of the coffee shop down the street, bought us both hot chocolate with extra whipped cream, and let her talk.
She told me about math class first. She has dyscalculia, so she goes for extra help twice a week, and still mixes up steps when she’s learning new material. Three days before, she’d raised her hand to ask Ms. Hale to repeat the instructions for the in-class assignment. Ms. Hale had laughed, loud enough for the whole front row to hear, and said, “Still? We walked through this three times already, Mia. Do you ever write anything down?” The class snickered, and Mia stared at her desk until the bell rang.
Then PE: when she tripped over a cone during warmups last week, the coach said to the whole team, “Guess Mia’s saving her coordination for TikTok, not track.” More laughter. Even the history teacher, who she used to like, makes jokes about her always forgetting her textbook. “Mia’s personal brand is leaving everything in her locker, right?” he’ll say, when she has to share with the kid next to her. None of these are big, screaming insults. They’re little, offhand comments. But they add up, she said, until she doesn’t want to raise her hand anymore, doesn’t want to try.
I’d always assumed teacher mocking was the big, obvious stuff you read about in the news – not these casual, thoughtless jokes that teachers probably forget 10 minutes after they say them. When I called the school counselor to ask for advice a couple days later, she confirmed that. Most of the time, she said, it’s not intentional. Teachers are overwhelmed, managing 100+ kids a day, trying to keep energy up in a room full of sleepy middle schoolers. They think banter builds rapport, and they don’t stop to think that the joke at the quiet kid’s expense lands like a mockery.
What I did next wasn’t the dramatic blowup I’d first imagined. First, I wrote down every single incident Mia described, with dates and the exact quote she remembered, so I wouldn’t get flustered in a meeting. I didn’t cc the principal on my first email, didn’t demand immediate action. I just emailed each teacher separately, asked for 15 minutes of their time before school started, when the hallway was quiet. When I sat down with each one, I didn’t lead with anger. I used the exact phrase the counselor gave me: “My daughter came home talking about a few comments you made in class that left her feeling embarrassed. I wanted to share that with you directly, because I don’t think you realized how they landed.”
That worked better than I expected. Ms. Hale, the math teacher, actually looked guilty when I told her about the comment. She said she’d been stressed about covering the curriculum before state testing, was rushing to keep the class on pace, and thought she was just pushing Mia to be more consistent with note-taking. She didn’t realize how her laugh came off as mocking. By the end of the meeting, we’d worked out a small signal: after she explains a new concept, she’ll tap the edge of Mia’s desk once, and Mia can shake her head if she needs another explanation without raising her hand in front of everyone. A week later, Mia told me she’d used the signal three times already, and no one even noticed.
The PE coach was a little more defensive. He laughed a little and said he’s “just one of those guys that jokes around with the kids.” But he also nodded when I finished talking, and said he’d watch what he said. Since then, Mia hasn’t mentioned any more comments from him. It’s not a perfect apology, but the behavior changed, which is what matters.
What I’ve learned that I want other parents to know: you don’t have to storm the building and demand someone get fired to make a difference. First, validate your kid’s feeling before you do anything. Don’t say “you’re being too sensitive” or “they didn’t mean it” – that just tells them they can’t come to you next time. Instead, say “that would make me feel really small too, that sounds awful” – that’s it, that’s enough to start. If your kid is scared of you talking to the teacher, help them practice one simple line they can use in the moment: “That comment hurt my feelings.” It’s short, direct, and most people will back off immediately, even if they don’t say sorry right away.
For teachers, if you’re reading this: the kid you joke with about forgetting their textbook, or being slow to finish work, might be carrying that comment with them for days. A quick check-in after class, or just pausing before you make that joke, can make a huge difference.
Last night, Mia did her math homework at the kitchen table without complaining once. She got three problems wrong, but she didn’t crumple up her paper like she used to. She just erased and tried again. We still check in every few days. Some days she says nothing happened, some days she says a comment rubbed her the wrong way and we talk about it. It’s not all fixed, and it probably won’t ever be perfect. But it’s better. And that’s enough for right now.
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