Why Society Needs to Rethink Its Discomfort With “Girly” Extracurriculars
When 15-year-old Mia excitedly told her parents she’d joined her school’s competitive dance team, their reaction wasn’t what she expected. “That’s nice, honey,” her mom said, “but have you considered robotics club? Colleges love STEM activities.” Mia’s dad chuckled and added, “At least it’s not cheerleading.” Her heart sank. Why did her passion for dance suddenly feel less valuable than coding or sports?
This scenario isn’t uncommon. Across schools and communities, activities traditionally associated with girls—dance, art clubs, theater, cheerleading, or even volunteer groups—are often dismissed as frivolous or “soft.” Meanwhile, male-dominated pursuits like football, debate teams, or engineering clubs are celebrated as intellectually rigorous and career-boosting. This double standard reveals a deeper societal discomfort with femininity and a flawed perception of what constitutes “valuable” skill-building.
The Invisible Hierarchy of Extracurriculars
Extracurricular activities are meant to help students explore interests, build friendships, and develop life skills. But in practice, they’ve become stratified along gendered lines. A 2022 study by the National Education Association found that 68% of parents viewed STEM clubs as “critical” for college applications, while only 24% felt the same about arts-based activities. This bias trickles down to students: Girls in “feminine” clubs report feeling pressured to justify their choices, while boys in similar groups face teasing or accusations of being “unmanly.”
The problem isn’t just about preference—it’s about perception. When society labels certain hobbies as “for girls,” it often equates them with being unserious, shallow, or overly emotional. Dance becomes “just twirling in tutus” instead of a discipline requiring athleticism and precision. A baking club is seen as domestic play rather than a lesson in chemistry and entrepreneurship. These assumptions overlook the tangible skills these activities teach: teamwork, creativity, time management, and resilience.
Where Does the Disgust Come From?
The aversion to “girly” extracurriculars stems from outdated stereotypes and systemic sexism. Historically, fields like art, literature, and caregiving have been feminized and devalued compared to “masculine” domains like politics, science, or finance. This hierarchy persists in subtle ways. For example:
– Gendered Language: Phrases like “throw like a girl” or “man up” reinforce the idea that feminine traits are inferior.
– Media Portrayals: TV shows often depict cheerleaders as mean or shallow, while male athletes are heroic.
– Economic Bias: Professions linked to feminized skills (teaching, nursing, design) are systematically underpaid compared to male-dominated fields.
This cultural baggage shapes how we view kids’ hobbies. A boy building a robot is a “future engineer,” but a girl designing costumes is “just playing dress-up.” The message is clear: Masculine interests signal ambition; feminine ones are trivial.
The Real Cost of Dismissing “Girl” Activities
When we undervalue traditionally feminine pursuits, everyone loses. Here’s why:
1. It Limits All Kids’ Potential
Boys interested in theater or baking may avoid these activities to dodge bullying, missing chances to discover passions. Girls feel compelled to join STEM clubs not out of interest but to appear “serious.” A 2023 Harvard survey found that 41% of girls in coding clubs joined primarily to impress colleges, not because they enjoyed it.
2. It Devalues Essential Life Skills
Leadership isn’t exclusive to debate teams—organizing a charity fashion show requires budgeting, teamwork, and public speaking. Empathy, often cultivated through volunteering or peer counseling, is crucial for careers in healthcare or education. Yet these “soft skills” are rarely highlighted on resumes.
3. It Reinforces Gender Stereotypes
Telling girls their hobbies are less impressive perpetuates the idea that femininity itself is inferior. This fuels insecurity and imposter syndrome. As author Reshma Saujani notes, “We teach girls to aspire to ‘masculine’ ideals of success, then wonder why they struggle with self-worth.”
Redefining Value Beyond Gender
Changing this narrative requires conscious effort from parents, educators, and media:
– Celebrate Skills, Not Stereotypes
Instead of asking, “Is this activity ‘useful’?” ask, “What is my child learning?” A knitting club teaches patience and fine motor skills; a makeup artistry workshop involves color theory and entrepreneurship.
– Mix Up Traditions
Schools can create hybrid clubs that blend “masculine” and “feminine” interests—like a STEM + Art (STEAM) program or a co-ed cooking and mechanics class.
– Amplify Diverse Role Models
Highlight stories of successful people in feminized fields: Chefs, dancers, and event planners who’ve turned passions into thriving careers.
– Check Your Own Biases
If you cringe at a boy joining ballet or a girl avoiding coding, ask why. Unpacking internalized stereotypes is key to fostering inclusivity.
The Bigger Picture
The disdain for “girly” extracurriculars isn’t just about hobbies—it’s a reflection of how society still struggles to respect femininity as equal to masculinity. By redefining what we consider “valuable,” we create space for all kids to thrive authentically. After all, the next generation’s success shouldn’t depend on how well they conform to outdated gender roles, but on their ability to pursue what truly inspires them—tutus, toolkits, or both.
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