When Daycares Assume Moms Are the “Fun” Parent
Picture this: A mom opens her inbox to find a cheerful email from her child’s daycare titled “Fun Fall Activities to Try at Home!” Excited, she shares it with her partner, only to realize he never received the message. This scenario isn’t a one-off glitch. A growing number of parents are noticing that daycares and preschools disproportionately send event reminders, activity ideas, and even casual check-ins only to mothers. While framed as lighthearted outreach, this habit quietly reinforces outdated stereotypes—and it’s time to talk about why that matters.
The “Default Parent” Problem
Daycares aren’t maliciously excluding dads. Often, staff members default to contacting moms because societal norms still position women as the “primary” caregivers. Studies show that even in households where both parents work full-time, mothers spend nearly twice as much time on childcare logistics as fathers. Daycare providers, juggling packed schedules, may unconsciously mirror this imbalance by sending playful updates to the parent they assume is “in charge.”
But here’s the catch: When institutions reinforce the idea that moms are the go-to for everything kid-related, it sidelines fathers and limits their involvement. A dad in Ohio recently shared, “I felt hurt when I realized the daycare sent my wife recipes for ‘messy sensory play’ but never copied me. It made me wonder if they thought I wasn’t interested.” His experience isn’t unique. Subtle messaging shapes parental roles more than we realize.
Why Stereotyped Communication Hurts Families
The issue goes beyond hurt feelings. Assigning “fun” tasks (like crafts or park outings) exclusively to moms while reserving “serious” topics (tuition payments, discipline) for dads perpetuates a narrow view of parenting. It tells kids that caregiving has gendered rules—mom handles creativity and comfort, dad handles logistics and discipline.
Research from the University of Michigan found that children internalize these patterns early. When dads are excluded from casual interactions with caregivers, kids learn to see them as less capable of nurturing. Over time, this affects family dynamics. One mother of twins noted, “My husband stopped volunteering for class parties because he felt like an outsider. The teachers always assumed I’d be the one to sign up.”
How Daycares Can Do Better
Breaking this cycle starts with intentional communication. Forward-thinking centers are adopting simple fixes:
1. Audit contact lists: Ensure both parents receive all non-sensitive updates by default.
2. Use gender-neutral language: Swap “Hey moms!” for “Hi families!” in newsletters.
3. Ask, don’t assume: During enrollment, inquire, “Who should we copy on activity ideas?”
4. Celebrate diverse families: Highlight stay-at-home dads, grandparent caregivers, or same-sex parents in communications.
A daycare director in Portland shared how small tweaks made a difference: “After we started addressing emails to ‘Parent Team [Child’s Name],’ dads began replying more often. One even organized a science-themed playdate!”
What Parents Can Do
If your daycare’s emails feel like a time capsule from the 1950s, speak up. Calmly explain how excluding one parent affects your family. For example:
– “We’re trying to share childcare responsibilities equally. Could you add my partner to the activity email list?”
– “My husband loves doing art projects with our daughter! Could future craft ideas go to both of us?”
If resistance arises, frame it as a learning opportunity. One father said, “I told the director, ‘Imagine if only dads got emails about science fairs. You’d miss out on half the volunteers!’ That clicked for her.”
The Bigger Picture
This isn’t about blaming daycares. Many providers genuinely want to support families but may not recognize how ingrained biases influence their workflows. By addressing the “mom-only” email trend, we open doors for all caregivers to engage fully.
Kids benefit most when they see parenting as a team effort. As psychologist Dr. Emma Sanders notes, “Children thrive when they witness diverse caregiving models. Breaking down ‘mom jobs’ and ‘dad jobs’ teaches them that caregiving is human—not gendered.”
So, the next time a daycare sends a “fun” email, let’s ask: Who’s not getting it—and why? Small changes in communication can spark big shifts in how families work together. After all, parenting isn’t a solo act. It’s a group project where everyone deserves a front-row seat.
Please indicate: Thinking In Educating » When Daycares Assume Moms Are the “Fun” Parent