The Unexpected Gift of Being Seen
We don’t always realize how much small acts of kindness can reshape relationships—until they happen to us. Last month, my 12-year-old nephew, Ethan, taught me a quiet but powerful lesson about appreciation, one that left me reflecting on how we express care in a busy, distracted world.
It started on an ordinary Tuesday. I’d just finished helping Ethan with a science project—something I’d done countless times over the years. As an aunt who’s single and child-free, I’ve always enjoyed being the “fun adult” in his life: the one who sneaks him extra dessert, listens to his Minecraft stories, or explains homework without the pressure a parent might feel. But that day, as I was about to leave his house, Ethan handed me a folded piece of notebook paper. “I wrote you something,” he said, avoiding eye contact in that awkward preteen way.
Inside was a handwritten letter titled “10 Reasons My Aunt Is Awesome.” The list ranged from silly (“You laugh at my bad jokes”) to heartfelt (“You help me feel brave when I’m scared”). At the bottom, he’d drawn a shaky stick figure of the two of us high-fiving. For a kid who’d rather text than talk, this effort felt monumental.
The Backstory: A Relationship Built on Small Moments
Ethan and I hadn’t always been close. When he was younger, our interactions were limited to holiday gatherings and occasional babysitting. But during the pandemic, things shifted. His parents, both essential workers, often relied on me for remote school support. What began as tutoring sessions turned into shared lunches, inside jokes about Zoom glitches, and conversations about everything from space travel to his fear of thunderstorms.
Still, I never expected my role to leave a lasting impression. Like many adults, I assumed kids his age were too absorbed in their own worlds to notice the “background characters” in their lives. His letter proved me wrong.
Why His Effort Mattered
What struck me wasn’t just the gesture itself—it was the intentionality behind it. Ethan had:
1. Observed specific actions (e.g., “You remember my favorite pizza toppings”)
2. Acknowledged emotional support (“You don’t get mad when I cry”)
3. Customized his message (adding doodles, using phrases I often say)
In an era where quick texts and emojis often replace deeper communication, his old-school approach felt refreshingly sincere. It also revealed something deeper: kids crave opportunities to show gratitude but sometimes need guidance to articulate it.
The Ripple Effects of Feeling Appreciated
Ethan’s letter did more than warm my heart; it reshaped how I engage with him. Here’s why:
– Reciprocity: His effort made me want to “match” his kindness—not in a transactional way, but by being more mindful of his unspoken needs (e.g., asking about his soccer practice instead of just homework).
– Vulnerability: By expressing appreciation, he inadvertently gave me permission to do the same. I started verbalizing pride in his growth, something I’d previously only hinted at.
– Breaking Assumptions: I’d underestimated how attuned kids are to the adults who invest time in them. His letter was a reminder that consistency, not grand gestures, builds trust.
Lessons for Adults in a Noisy World
This experience taught me three things about fostering meaningful connections:
1. Appreciation Doesn’t Require Perfection
Ethan’s letter had crossed-out words and spelling errors, but its imperfections made it authentic. We often overthink expressing gratitude (“I’ll wait for the right moment” or “It’s not eloquent enough”), forgetting that sincerity outweighs polish.
2. Young People Are Watching—Even When They Seem Distracted
That “annoying” tween glued to their phone? They’re absorbing more than we realize. Ethan recalled tiny details I’d forgotten (like the time I defended his love of graphic novels to his dad), proving that presence leaves imprints.
3. Modeling Gratitude Is a Gift to Both Parties
I later learned Ethan’s teacher had assigned a “thank someone invisible” project. Instead of opting for an easy target (a parent, a friend), he chose me—someone outside his daily orbit. By creating space for him to practice gratitude, his teacher gave me an unexpected window into his perspective.
A Challenge Worth Accepting
Ethan’s letter now sits on my fridge, a humble reminder to appreciate the “ordinary” people who brighten our lives. It’s also inspired me to pay attention to those who might feel overlooked: the quiet coworker who always refills the coffee pot, the neighbor who waves hello every morning.
Who knew a 12-year-old could deliver such a masterclass in emotional intelligence? His effort took maybe 20 minutes, but its impact will linger for years. And that’s the magic of appreciation: it costs little to give but can redefine how someone sees their value in your world.
So here’s my question back to you: Who’s your “invisible” person? And what small, imperfect step could you take today to let them know they’re seen?
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