The Parenting Advice I Didn’t Take—And Why I’m Glad
Every parent has been there: standing in a grocery store aisle, at a playground, or scrolling through social media, when someone offers the golden nugget of parenting wisdom. “You have to sleep-train your baby,” they insist. Or, “Never let them watch TV before age two.” These well-meaning tips often come wrapped in confidence, as if they’re universal truths. But here’s the thing—sometimes, the best advice is the advice you don’t take.
Let me start with a confession: I ignored the “sleep training” rule. You know the one—where you’re supposed to let your baby cry it out, follow a strict nap schedule, or use a specific method to teach independent sleep. When my daughter was six months old, I tried it. For three nights, I sat outside her door, listening to her wail, feeling like the worst human on Earth. By day four, I gave up. Instead, I rocked her to sleep, nursed her when she needed comfort, and let her nap in my arms while I binge-watched Netflix.
The backlash was subtle but real. Relatives hinted I was “spoiling” her. Friends warned she’d never learn to self-soothe. But fast-forward three years: She falls asleep independently, sleeps through the night, and has zero attachment issues. What changed? Nothing—except my mindset. By prioritizing her emotional security over a rigid routine, I realized sleep wasn’t a skill to be drilled but a natural process shaped by trust. Letting go of the pressure to “train” her allowed us both to relax.
Here’s why ignoring that advice worked: Parenting isn’t a one-size-fits-all manual. What works for a baby who thrives on predictability might backfire for a child who needs flexibility. By tuning into my kid’s cues instead of a checklist, I avoided months of stress—and built a stronger bond.
Next up: the infamous “screen time” debate. Experts (and judgmental strangers) love to say, “No screens before age two!” But during a cross-country flight with a toddler, I caved. I handed my son a tablet loaded with cartoons. The guilt was immediate. I’ve failed, I thought. He’ll never read a book again.
But here’s what happened: The screen didn’t ruin him. In fact, it gave him a lifeline during overwhelming moments. Over time, I noticed something: Screen time wasn’t the enemy—it was how we used it. We watched nature documentaries together, danced to silly songs, and paused shows to talk about colors or emotions. By age four, he could identify a blue whale versus a humpback and explain why rainbows form.
Ignoring the “no screens ever” rule taught me a bigger lesson: Context matters. Screens aren’t inherently bad; they’re tools. When used intentionally—not as a babysitter but as a supplement—they can spark curiosity and connection. The rigid “no screens” advice ignores modern realities: working parents, long travel days, or simply needing 20 minutes to cook dinner without a toddler clinging to your leg.
Finally, let’s talk about the advice I still hear daily: “Don’t let your kids win.” Whether it’s board games, debates, or choosing weekend activities, many believe children should learn to lose gracefully. But early on, I let my kids “win”—a lot. I pretended to be terrible at Candy Land. I let them pick the movie every Friday. I even let my teenager argue me into changing a household rule (after a thoughtful discussion).
The criticism? “You’re raising entitled kids!” Yet, the opposite happened. By letting them experience small victories, they gained confidence to tackle bigger challenges. Letting them “win” sometimes taught them negotiation and empathy. For example, when my daughter negotiated a later bedtime by presenting a well-reasoned schedule, I realized she wasn’t being defiant—she was learning to advocate for herself.
Ignoring the “always be the authority” advice reinforced this truth: Kids thrive when they feel heard. Letting them “win” occasionally doesn’t undermine your authority—it builds mutual respect. They learn that their voice matters, which prepares them for healthy relationships and decision-making later.
So why do we ignore good advice? Because “good” is subjective. Parenting advice often reflects the advisor’s fears, cultural norms, or outdated studies. For every “expert” who claims co-sleeping is dangerous, another cites its benefits. For every parent who swears by strict discipline, another raises kind, resilient kids with gentle guidance.
The key is to filter advice through your family’s unique lens. Does it align with your values? Does it respect your child’s temperament? Does it bring peace or chaos to your home? Sometimes, the bravest thing a parent can do is say, “Thanks, but that’s not for us.”
In the end, parenting isn’t about following rules—it’s about learning to trust yourself. The best advice I ever ignored taught me to prioritize connection over perfection, flexibility over dogma, and my child’s needs over someone else’s expectations. And honestly? That’s advice worth keeping.
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