The Day the Dinosaurs Had the Worst Sneeze Ever
Once upon a time, in a land far, far away (okay, fine—it was Earth, but 66 million years ago), dinosaurs ruled the world. There were big ones, small ones, spiky ones, and even ones with feathers! But my favorite dino of all was a goofy T. rex named Tyranno-snort-us (or “Snorty” for short). Snorty wasn’t like other dinosaurs. While most T. rexes spent their time roaring and showing off their tiny arms, Snorty loved two things: telling jokes and eating giant sandwiches. (Yes, dinosaurs ate sandwiches. Don’t question it.)
One sunny afternoon, Snorty was hosting a “Dino Comedy Hour” near a volcano (because volcanoes were the trendy hangout spot back then). His audience included a triceratops with a lopsided horn, a stegosaurus who accidentally wore her plates backward, and a pack of velociraptors practicing their “scary” dance moves. Everything was going great… until Snorty smelled something awful.
“P.U.! What’s that smell?” Snorty gagged, dropping his sandwich.
A tiny microraptor named Munchy fluttered over, holding a moldy piece of cheese. “Um… I found this under a rock. Is it snack time?”
Snorty’s nostrils twitched. The smell was so bad, it made his scales itch. Suddenly—AHHH-CHOOOOOOO!—he unleashed the mother of all sneezes. The ground shook. Trees toppled. And worst of all, his sneeze accidentally knocked over the volcano’s “Do Not Disturb” sign.
BOOM! The volcano erupted, sending lava, ash, and half-eaten sandwiches flying everywhere. Dinosaurs scrambled, tripping over their own tails. The velociraptors’ dance moves turned into a chaotic “Running Away from Lava” routine.
But here’s the twist: Snorty wasn’t the only dino with allergy problems. All over the world, dinosaurs were sneezing! A brontosaurus sneezed so hard, her neck tied itself in a knot. A pterodactyl sneezed mid-flight and accidentally joined a flock of confused pigeons. Even the ocean wasn’t safe—a sneezing mosasaur created the world’s first underwater tornado.
Scientists later called this the “Great Dino Sneeze-nado of 66 Million BCE.” (Okay, maybe not exactly that, but it’s a fun name, right?) The sneezes caused volcanoes to erupt, skies to darken, and temperatures to drop. Plants stopped growing, sandwiches became extinct, and dinosaurs started saying things like, “Hey, is it just me, or is it really cold in here?”
But wait—how do we know this hilarious version of history? Because of Dino Detective Dave, a paleontologist who found ancient dino diaries hidden in fossilized poop. (Yes, fossilized poop is a real thing. Scientists call it “coprolite.” Feel free to giggle.) According to the diaries, Snorty spent his final days apologizing to everyone: “Sorry I blew up the volcano!” “Sorry you’re stuck in a ice cube, Steggy!” “Sorry about your sandwich, Munchy!”
Of course, grown-up scientists will tell you a slightly less funny story involving asteroids, climate change, and bad luck. But where’s the fun in that?
The Moral of the Story (Because Every Silly Tale Needs One):
Always cover your nose when you sneeze—unless you want to accidentally change the planet. Also, never trust a microraptor with questionable snack choices.
Wait… Are Dinosaurs Really Gone?
Nope! Some scientists believe dinosaurs didn’t fully disappear. Tiny, sneaky ones evolved into… birds! That’s right—the next time you see a pigeon wearing a tiny hat, bow respectfully. It might be Snorty’s great-great-great-(times a billion)-grandchild.
So there you have it! The day dinosaurs learned that even the mightiest creatures can be taken down by a bad case of the sniffles. And if you ever feel a sneeze coming on? Blame it on Snorty. He’d probably think it’s hilarious.
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