The Day My Dad Told Me Not to Run in the Rain (And Other Parental Wisdom That Left Me Scratching My Head)
Growing up, we’ve all had those moments where a parent said something so baffling, so wildly disconnected from logic, that we just stared at them like they’d suddenly started speaking Klingon. You know the feeling: “Bro, you make no sense.”
For me, it happened one rainy afternoon when I was 12. My dad caught me sprinting across the backyard, soaked to the bone, and yelled, “Stop running! You’ll catch a cold!” Even at that age, I knew viruses caused colds—not rainwater. But there he was, convinced that my soggy shoes were a one-way ticket to Kleenex purgatory. It wasn’t the first (or last) time a parental comment left me questioning reality. Let’s unpack these generational head-scratchers and explore why parents occasionally sound like they’re reciting ancient proverbs instead of actual advice.
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1. “Don’t Sit Too Close to the TV—You’ll Ruin Your Eyes!”
Ah, the classic screen-time warning. My mom delivered this line with the urgency of someone defusing a bomb. Meanwhile, I’d just learned in science class that modern TVs don’t emit harmful radiation. Turns out, this myth dates back to the 1960s, when early color TVs did produce low-level X-rays. By the time I was binge-watching SpongeBob, the technology had evolved—but the parental fear hadn’t.
Why It Happens: Parents often repeat advice passed down from their parents, blending outdated concerns with genuine care. It’s less about logic and more about “This is how we’ve always done things.”
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2. “If You Keep Making That Face, It’ll Get Stuck That Way!”
Threatening facial paralysis over a goofy expression? Bold strategy. My aunt once told me this mid-eye-roll, and I spent the next hour practicing exaggerated faces in the mirror to test the theory. Spoiler: My cheeks survived.
The Real Message: This gem isn’t about anatomy; it’s a creative way to say, “Stop being rude.” Parents use absurdity to redirect behavior when straightforward requests fail.
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3. “Money Doesn’t Grow on Trees!” (Said While Buying Something Unnecessary)
My dad dropped this line weekly—usually after purchasing his third fishing rod of the month. The hypocrisy wasn’t lost on me. But here’s the thing: Parents aren’t immune to contradictions. They’re trying to teach fiscal responsibility while grappling with their own impulses. It’s like watching a chef burn toast while lecturing you about kitchen safety.
The Takeaway: Inconsistencies happen. Instead of calling them out, ask questions: “How do you decide when to save vs. spend?” It might spark a real conversation.
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4. “You’ll Understand When You’re Older.”
The ultimate shutdown. This phrase is the parental equivalent of a mic drop—used when they’re too tired to explain why dating at 16 is a “phase” or why pineapple on pizza is a crime.
Why It’s Frustrating (and Kinda True): Some lessons do require life experience. At 15, I couldn’t grasp why my mom worried about me staying out late. At 30, I get it. Still, dismissing curiosity breeds resentment. A better approach? “Let me try to explain…”
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5. “Because I Said So.”
The granddaddy of illogical parenting. No justification, no debate—just authority. My mom once used this to veto my request for blue hair, then dyed hers purple two years later. The whiplash was real.
Behind the Power Move: Parents default to this when they’re overwhelmed, insecure about their reasoning, or protecting you from a truth they’re not ready to share (e.g., “We can’t afford that”).
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Why Do Parents Say These Things? A Survival Guide
Beneath the nonsense lies a mix of love, fear, and generational quirks. Here’s how to navigate it:
1. Laugh It Off (Then Google It): When my dad insisted wet hair causes pneumonia, I giggled—then showed him a CDC article. He shrugged: “Better safe than sorry.” Sometimes, you just agree to disagree.
2. Ask for Stories: Dig into the origins of their advice. My mom’s “don’t swim after eating” rule traced back to her childhood near a riptide-prone beach. Context softened the crazy.
3. Pick Your Battles: Not every odd comment needs a TED Talk rebuttal. Save your energy for the big stuff (like explaining that TikTok isn’t the apocalypse).
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The Silver Lining: You’ll Probably Do It Too
Years later, I caught myself telling my niece, “Don’t crack your knuckles—you’ll get arthritis!” She gave me the same “bro, you make no sense” look I’d mastered as a kid. Touché.
Parenting is a messy mix of instinct, tradition, and guesswork. Those nonsensical sayings? They’re proof that even adults don’t have all the answers—they’re just trying their best. And hey, if we’re lucky, maybe our kids will one day write essays about our questionable wisdom too.
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