That “Why Is Parenting Like This?” Feeling? You’re Not Alone (And Here’s Why)
It hits you sometimes, doesn’t it? Maybe it’s the third time you’ve asked your kid to put their shoes on. Maybe it’s the epic negotiation over three more bites of broccoli. Perhaps it’s the sudden, inexplicable meltdown because the toast was cut into triangles instead of squares. Or maybe it’s the sheer, bone-deep exhaustion after a night spent soothing a sick child while juggling work deadlines in your head. You take a breath, look around at the beautiful, chaotic mess of your life, and the thought bubbles up, sharp and clear: “Why is parenting like this?”
If you’re nodding vigorously right now, whispering a fervent “YES!”, let’s get one thing straight: You. Are. Not. Alone. This isn’t a sign you’re failing. This specific flavor of bewildered exhaustion? It’s practically a universal parental rite of passage. Think of it as a “season” – unpredictable, often stormy, but ultimately passing, even if it feels like an eternity when you’re in the middle of it.
So, Why Does Parenting Feel Like This?
Let’s unpack the storm clouds a bit:
1. The Weight of the Invisible Load: Parenting isn’t just the big moments; it’s the relentless thinking about parenting. It’s the mental inventory of snack supplies, the remembering of library due dates, the scheduling gymnastics of appointments and activities, the anticipating of potential meltdown triggers, the constant emotional tuning-in. This “cognitive labor” is immense and often unseen. It’s wondering why parenting feels so heavy even when the physical tasks seem manageable. Because your brain is running a million background processes at once.
2. The “Should” vs. “Is” Chasm: We’re bombarded with curated glimpses of “perfect” parenting online and in media. We absorb societal expectations and well-meaning (but often conflicting) advice. Then reality hits: the toddler refuses the lovingly prepared organic meal, the teenager slams a door, your patience wears thinner than cheap toilet paper. The gap between the idealized version and the messy, noisy, sticky reality can feel like a Grand Canyon of inadequacy, prompting that desperate “why like this?” cry.
3. The Unpredictability Factor: Kids are chaos agents, bless them. Just when you think you’ve figured out a rhythm, mastered a routine, or understood a phase… they change. Development isn’t linear. Sleep regressions hit. New fears emerge. Interests shift at warp speed. This constant state of flux means you’re always slightly off-balance, reacting to the latest plot twist. It’s exhausting trying to navigate terrain that keeps moving.
4. The Relentless Nature of Need: Especially in the younger years (though teens have their own intense demands), the need is constant. It’s physical, emotional, logistical. Someone always needs feeding, wiping, comforting, teaching, transporting, or supervising. This 24/7 responsibility, even with breaks, creates a unique form of fatigue. It’s the feeling of being perpetually “on call,” where even a quiet moment is tinged with the anticipation of the next demand.
5. The Loss of the Uncomplicated Self: Remember spontaneous outings? Finishing a hot drink? Reading a book in one sitting? Deep, uninterrupted thoughts? Parenting often involves a profound reshaping of your identity and priorities. While filled with love, this shift can also spark grief for the simpler, more self-directed life you once had. The “why like this?” can sometimes be a quiet mourning for parts of yourself temporarily (or permanently) on hold.
Weathering the “Why?” Season: Not Just Surviving
Acknowledging the “why like this?” feeling is the first step. Berating yourself for feeling it only adds to the load. So, how do we navigate this turbulent season?
Name It and Claim It: Say it out loud to a trusted friend, partner, or even just to the bathroom mirror: “This is really hard right now. I feel overwhelmed.” Validation, even self-validation, is powerful. It releases some of the pressure.
Lower the Bar (Radically): Seriously. That picture-perfect Pinterest craft? The gourmet meal? The spotless house? If it’s causing stress, ditch it. Focus on the essentials: safety, connection, basic needs met. Fed is best. Survived the day is an achievement. Good enough is genuinely great.
Seek Your Tribe: Connect with other parents who get it. Venting (and laughing!) with people experiencing similar chaos is incredibly therapeutic. Online groups, playdates (even chaotic ones), or a quick text exchange can remind you you’re not on an island.
Steal Moments for You (Yes, Really): This isn’t a luxury; it’s oxygen. Five minutes of deep breathing, a shower without an audience, stepping outside for fresh air, listening to a favorite song – these tiny resets matter. They remind you there’s still a “you” beneath the parent hat.
Look for the Absurd Humor: Sometimes, the only sane response is to laugh. The spaghetti-in-hair masterpiece? The elaborate excuse for not cleaning their room? The sheer ridiculousness of it all? When safe to do so, try to see the humor. It’s a survival mechanism and it works.
Practice Self-Compassion: Talk to yourself like you would talk to your best friend going through this. “This is tough. It’s okay to feel exhausted. I’m doing my best.” Replace the inner critic with an inner ally.
Remember: Seasons Change: That toddler screaming about toast triangles? They’ll be onto a new obsession next week. That sleepless newborn phase? It does end. The intensity of teenage angst evolves. The “why like this?” feeling is often tied to a specific developmental phase or circumstance. It passes. New challenges emerge, but so do new joys and capacities.
The Bottom Line: Your “Why?” is Valid
Feeling overwhelmed, baffled, and occasionally wondering “why is parenting like this?” doesn’t mean you don’t love your kids fiercely. It means you’re human, navigating one of the most complex, demanding, and rewarding journeys possible.
This “season” you’re in? It’s real. It’s hard. It’s messy. And it’s shared by countless parents whispering the same question into their coffee cups or pillowcases. So, take a breath. Acknowledge the storm. Give yourself grace. Reach out. Find the tiny sparks of joy or absurdity. And know that while parenting might often feel bewilderingly “like this,” within the chaos lies connection, growth, and a love unlike any other. You’re doing better than you think, right in the middle of your “why?” season. Hang in there.
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