That “Can’t Be the Only One” Feeling: Why We All Need to Talk About It
You’re sitting in class, staring at a math problem that might as well be written in hieroglyphics. The professor asks, “Any questions?” and the room stays silent. Maybe I’m just not cut out for this, you think. Everyone else seems to get it. Later, scrolling through social media, you see peers celebrating internships, promotions, or picture-perfect relationships. Meanwhile, you’re debating whether to eat cereal for dinner again because adulting feels overwhelming. Can’t be the only one that feels this way, you mutter to yourself.
Here’s the thing: You’re not the only one. That gnawing sense of isolation—the belief that your struggles are unique or shameful—is far more common than society lets on. Let’s unpack why this happens, why it matters, and how we can turn this “only one” myth into a conversation starter.
The Illusion of Uniqueness
Humans are wired to compare themselves to others. From childhood, we’re taught to measure success through grades, milestones, and social approval. But this habit has a dark side: It tricks us into thinking our challenges are outliers. A student failing a test assumes their classmates aced it. A new parent drowning in sleepless nights feels guilty for not “enjoying every moment.” A professional stuck in a career rut believes everyone else is climbing the ladder effortlessly.
This illusion thrives in silence. When people don’t talk openly about setbacks, insecurities, or messy emotions, it creates a false narrative of universal competence. Social media amplifies this. Platforms are highlight reels—curated, filtered, and polished. We see the promotions, vacations, and gourmet meals, not the rejections, burnout, or burnt toast.
Why “Only One” Thinking Hurts
Believing you’re alone in your struggles does more than just make you feel lonely. It can:
– Paralyze progress: If no one else is struggling, why ask for help? You might avoid seeking tutoring, therapy, or mentorship.
– Fuel imposter syndrome: “Everyone else belongs here except me” becomes a mental soundtrack, eroding confidence.
– Stifle connection: Hiding your true self prevents meaningful relationships. Ever bonded with someone over shared frustrations? That’s the magic you miss.
Ironically, the less we talk about our challenges, the more we reinforce the myth that they’re rare. It’s a self-perpetuating cycle.
Breaking the Cycle: Normalize the Mess
The antidote to “can’t be the only one” thinking is simple yet radical: Normalize imperfection. Here’s how:
1. Share Your Story (Yes, Really)
Start small. Mention to a friend that you bombed a presentation or cried during a stressful week. You’ll often hear, “Oh my gosh, me too!” These moments of vulnerability build trust and remind others they’re not alone. Teachers, parents, and mentors can model this by admitting their own learning curves. Did a professor ever confess they once failed a class? It’s liberating.
2. Reframe “Weakness” as Humanity
Struggling isn’t a sign of failure—it’s proof you’re pushing boundaries. Think of a toddler learning to walk: They wobble, fall, and try again. No one judges them. Why do we hold ourselves to harsher standards? Embrace the “toddler mindset.” Celebrate effort, not just outcomes.
3. Seek Communities, Not Just Crowds
Loneliness often persists even in crowded rooms. What we need are spaces where authenticity is welcome. Join study groups that acknowledge confusion, not just achievement. Follow social media accounts that balance LifeGoals with LifeIsMessy. Communities like these remind us that growth happens in the trenches, not just on mountaintops.
4. Ask Better Questions
Instead of “Does this make sense to anyone?” try “Who else is lost?” Instead of “Am I the only one overwhelmed?” say “Who wants to vent over coffee?” Framing questions inclusively invites collaboration, not competition.
When “Only One” Thinking Can Be Helpful
Oddly enough, this mindset isn’t all bad. That flicker of doubt—“Surely I’m not the only one”—can be a catalyst for change. It pushes scientists to explore unanswered questions, artists to create bold work, and advocates to fight for underrepresented voices. The key is to channel that energy into curiosity, not shame.
For example, when Malala Yousafzai questioned why girls in her community were denied education, her “I can’t be the only one” moment sparked a global movement. Your version might be smaller but no less significant: Starting a mental health club at school, advocating for flexible deadlines, or simply texting a friend, “Hey, you okay?”
The Bottom Line
That “can’t be the only one” feeling is universal—and that’s the paradox. By acknowledging our shared struggles, we dissolve the shame surrounding them. Schools, workplaces, and families thrive when honesty replaces pretense.
So next time you’re tempted to hide your doubts, remember: Every person you admire has faced a version of your struggle. The difference is whether they buried it or shared it. Be the one who shares. You’ll never be the only one again.
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