Navigating the Messy Middle: Finding Growth in “The State I’m In Right Now”
Life has a funny way of dropping us into seasons that feel like unfinished sentences. You know the feeling—the one where you’re neither here nor there, but somehow both at once. Maybe you’re halfway through a degree program, stuck in a job that doesn’t quite fit, or rebuilding after a personal setback. Whatever it is, “the state I’m in right now” often feels like a waiting room, a place where progress is invisible and uncertainty hums in the background. But what if this in-between space isn’t a detour? What if it’s exactly where growth happens?
Growing Roots in Shifting Soil
The most transformative phases of life rarely announce themselves with fanfare. Instead, they creep in quietly, like fog rolling over a landscape. Think back to learning a new skill—say, playing guitar. At first, your fingers fumble, chords sound muddy, and progress feels nonexistent. But over weeks of practice, muscle memory kicks in. Suddenly, you’re playing a song without thinking. The “state you’re in” during those awkward early days wasn’t failure; it was the foundation.
This applies to bigger life transitions, too. Starting a new career, becoming a parent, or even recovering from burnout all involve phases where you’re not yet competent, not yet comfortable. Psychologists call this the “conscious incompetence” stage—the frustrating but necessary middle ground between cluelessness and mastery. The key? Treating discomfort as data, not destiny. When you’re knee-deep in confusion, ask: What is this teaching me about my limits? My priorities? My capacity to adapt?
The Emotional Rollercoaster of Transition
Let’s be honest: Existing in flux can feel exhausting. One day, you’re optimistic about fresh possibilities; the next, you’re nostalgic for the stability of the past. This emotional pendulum is normal. Researchers studying life transitions note that mixed feelings—excitement and grief, hope and fear—are not contradictions but evidence of engagement. You care enough to feel conflicted.
Consider the experience of moving to a new city. Initially, everything feels thrilling—new cafes, unfamiliar streets, potential friendships. But then comes the moment you crave your old favorite coffee shop or miss inside jokes with faraway friends. That ache isn’t a sign you’ve made a mistake; it’s proof you’re human. Emotional whiplash often signals that you’re stretching beyond your comfort zone, integrating old and new parts of yourself.
Redefining “Productivity”
Society loves clear narratives: She graduated, landed her dream job, and lived happily ever after. But real life is messier. In “the state I’m in right now,” traditional markers of success—promotions, milestones, checkboxes—might feel irrelevant. This is an opportunity to redefine what matters.
Take education, for example. A student juggling coursework, part-time jobs, and family responsibilities might not have a 4.0 GPA. But their ability to balance competing demands, advocate for support, and persist through setbacks? That’s a masterclass in resilience—a skill no transcript can capture. When external validation feels scarce, focus on micro-wins: showing up, asking for help, or simply getting through a tough day.
The Power of Small Anchors
When the bigger picture feels overwhelming, narrow your focus. Author James Clear writes, “You don’t rise to the level of your goals; you fall to the level of your systems.” In uncertain seasons, routines become lifelines. Maybe it’s a morning walk, a weekly phone call with a mentor, or 10 minutes of journaling. These small anchors create stability when everything else feels shaky.
One teacher I know calls this “weathering the weather.” She compares tough phases to stormy days: You can’t stop the rain, but you can grab an umbrella, slow down, and watch for puddles. Similarly, acknowledging “the state I’m in” lets you respond thoughtfully instead of reacting desperately.
Building a Support System (That Actually Helps)
Ever noticed how hard it is to describe an in-between phase to others? Friends might urge you to “just decide already” or “look on the bright side.” But what you often need isn’t advice—it’s someone to listen without fixing. Brené Brown’s research on vulnerability emphasizes that connection, not solutions, fuels resilience.
Seek out people who normalize the messiness. This could mean joining a peer support group, finding a therapist, or even following social media accounts that celebrate imperfection (think @TheLatestKate or @GrowthInProgress). Surround yourself with voices that say, “Me too,” rather than “You should.”
Embracing the Unanswered Questions
Finally, remember that clarity often comes retrospectively. Author Shauna Niequist compares life transitions to driving at night: “You can only see as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.” You don’t need to have everything figured out—just the next right step.
If “the state you’re in right now” feels heavy, try this exercise: Write down three things you know for sure. They might be simple truths like I’m doing my best or This won’t last forever. Then, write three open questions: What if I…? Could I try…? Who could I ask about…? Balancing acceptance with curiosity keeps you grounded yet open to possibility.
The Gift of the In-Between
Transitions are like tide pools—temporary ecosystems where unexpected life thrives. The discomfort you feel today is evidence of growth, not inadequacy. So, the next time someone asks, “How are you?” and you want to sigh, “I’m in a state,” wear it like a badge of honor. After all, the most beautiful landscapes often emerge from seismic shifts.
Wherever you are right now—exhausted, hopeful, confused, or all three—you’re not stuck. You’re becoming.
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