“I Can’t Be the Only One Who…” — Why We All Feel This Way (And What It Means)
Have you ever found yourself muttering, “I can’t be the only one who does this…” while rewatching the same TV show for the fifth time, secretly enjoying the smell of gasoline, or feeling oddly comforted by the sound of rain on a rooftop? Maybe you’ve scrolled through social media, convinced your quirky habits or intrusive thoughts must be uniquely yours—only to discover a viral meme or tweet that perfectly captures your experience.
This phrase—“I can’t be the only one who…”—is more than just a casual remark. It’s a universal human reflex, a blend of vulnerability and curiosity that connects us all. Let’s unpack why this feeling is so common, what it says about human nature, and how embracing it can actually strengthen our relationships and self-awareness.
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The Psychology of “Alone in a Crowd”
Humans are wired for connection. From an evolutionary standpoint, belonging to a group increased our ancestors’ chances of survival. Today, that instinct manifests as a deep need to feel understood. When we assume our experiences are unique, it’s often because we’re comparing our internal world—our private thoughts, fears, or habits—to others’ external personas.
Psychologists call this the “illusion of transparency”: the belief that our inner lives are more visible to others than they actually are. For example, you might agonize over a minor social blunder, convinced everyone noticed, while others barely remember it. Similarly, when we think, “I can’t be the only one who…” we’re often underestimating how much people hide their quirks or insecurities.
A 2018 study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that people consistently overestimate how alone they are in their struggles. Participants who felt ashamed of “embarrassing” habits (like talking to their pets in baby voices or reheating pizza for breakfast) were shocked to learn how many others shared those behaviors.
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The Social Media Paradox: Connection vs. Comparison
Ironically, the same platforms that help us realize we’re not alone can also fuel feelings of isolation. Scrolling through curated highlight reels of others’ lives—perfect vacations, career wins, or RelationshipGoals—can make our own messy realities feel inadequate. We forget that behind every polished post, there’s someone who also forgets their keys, burns toast, or cries during dog food commercials.
Yet, social media has also given rise to communities built on shared vulnerabilities. Hashtags like CantBeTheOnlyOne or WeirdlyRelatable reveal how people crave authenticity. A tweet like, “I can’t be the only one who Googles ‘normal body temperature’ every time I feel slightly warm,” might garner thousands of likes, not because it’s extraordinary, but because it’s ordinary. These moments of collective “me too” dissolve shame and create belonging.
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When “I Can’t Be the Only One” Becomes a Lifeline
Sometimes, this phrase isn’t about quirky habits—it’s a quiet cry for help. Mental health struggles, grief, or trauma can make people feel irreparably broken. Statements like, “I can’t be the only one who feels empty despite having a ‘perfect’ life,” or “I can’t be the only one who’s terrified of failure,” often mask a deeper fear: “Am I normal? Does anyone else get this?”
Here’s where honesty becomes transformative. Author Brené Brown’s research on shame resilience emphasizes that sharing our stories—especially the parts we assume others will reject—is what fosters true connection. When someone admits, “I can’t be the only one who’s struggling to adult today,” it gives others permission to say, “Same. Let’s figure this out together.”
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How to Turn “I Can’t Be the Only One” into “We’re in This Together”
1. Normalize the Awkward
Start conversations by admitting your own quirks. Say, “I can’t be the only one who still gets lost using this app…” or “Is it just me, or does anyone else rehearse conversations in the shower?” Humor and humility invite others to relate without judgment.
2. Seek Out Your “Tribe”
Whether it’s online forums, hobby groups, or therapy, find spaces where people share your experiences. If you think, “I can’t be the only one who finds parenting exhausting,” join a parenting subreddit. You’ll quickly discover you’re far from alone.
3. Practice “Radical Commonality”
Instead of focusing on differences, look for overlaps. A colleague who seems nothing like you might share your love of 90s sitcoms or your fear of public speaking. These small connections build bridges.
4. Challenge Your Assumptions
When you feel isolated, ask yourself: “If I feel this way, could others feel it too?” Often, just considering this question reduces loneliness.
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The Beauty of Being Unoriginal
Here’s a comforting truth: Many of the things we assume make us “weird” are gloriously unoriginal. For every person who thinks, “I can’t be the only one who hates birthday surprises,” there’s a Reddit thread with 10K upvotes titled, “Surprise Parties Should Be Illegal.” For every individual cringing at their childhood photos, there’s a TikTok trend about awkward school yearbook pics.
Embracing our “unoriginality” doesn’t diminish our uniqueness—it highlights our shared humanity. As writer David Foster Wallace put it, “The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’… You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to understand a terror way beyond falling.” In other words, even our darkest moments connect us.
So the next time you think, “I can’t be the only one who…”—pause. Instead of shame or embarrassment, let that thought remind you: You’re part of a messy, beautiful, and deeply relatable human experience. And honestly? That’s way more interesting than being the “only one” anyway.
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