Am I Being Gaslit and Do I Have the Right to Be Pissed?
We’ve all had moments in relationships—romantic, familial, or even professional—where something feels “off.” Maybe someone dismisses your feelings, insists you’re overreacting, or rewrites history in a way that makes you question your own memory. If this sounds familiar, you might be wondering: Am I being gaslit? And if so, is my anger justified? Let’s unpack this.
What Is Gaslighting, Anyway?
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where someone intentionally makes you doubt your reality, memory, or perceptions. The term comes from a 1938 play (Gas Light) where a husband dims the gas lights in their home but insists his wife is imagining the change, driving her to question her sanity.
Gaslighting isn’t just lying or disagreeing—it’s a systematic effort to destabilize your confidence in your own judgment. It often starts subtly: a partner says, “You’re too sensitive,” when you express hurt, or a coworker claims, “That never happened,” after a tense meeting. Over time, these comments can erode your self-trust, leaving you anxious, confused, and reliant on the gaslighter’s version of events.
Signs You’re Being Gaslit
Gaslighting thrives on ambiguity, so recognizing it isn’t always straightforward. Here are red flags:
1. Constant Denial: The person refuses to acknowledge your experiences. For example:
– You: “You yelled at me last night.”
– Them: “I never raised my voice. You’re making things up.”
2. Twisting Facts: They reframe events to paint themselves as the victim or deflect blame.
– You: “It upset me when you canceled our plans.”
– Them: “You’re so needy. I can’t do anything right with you!”
3. Trivializing Feelings: Your emotions are dismissed as irrational or excessive.
– “Why are you so angry? It’s not a big deal.”
4. Confusion Tactics: They contradict themselves or mix lies with truths to keep you off-balance.
– “I said I’d call, but you know I’m bad with phones. Stop being dramatic.”
5. Isolation: Gaslighters may alienate you from friends or family who validate your concerns.
– “Your sister just hates me. She’s trying to turn you against me.”
If these patterns sound familiar, trust your gut. Gaslighting is designed to make you feel “crazy”—but your feelings are valid.
Why Anger Is a Healthy Response
Let’s address the second question: Do I have the right to be pissed? Absolutely. Anger is a natural reaction to having your reality denied or being emotionally manipulated. It’s a signal that your boundaries are being violated.
Gaslighting isn’t just frustrating—it’s harmful. Studies link long-term gaslighting to anxiety, depression, and eroded self-esteem. When someone dismisses your emotions, they’re essentially saying, “Your perspective doesn’t matter.” That’s infuriating because it’s dehumanizing.
But gaslighters often weaponize your anger against you. They might say, “See? You’re hysterical,” to deflect accountability. This can trap victims in a cycle of self-doubt: Maybe I am overreacting. Maybe I’m the problem. Spoiler: You’re not.
How to Respond Without Losing Your Mind
If you suspect gaslighting, here’s how to protect your mental health and reclaim your power:
1. Document Interactions
Write down conversations or incidents while they’re fresh. This creates a concrete record to counter “That never happened” claims. Screenshot texts, save emails, or jot notes in a journal.
2. Set Clear Boundaries
Calmly state your needs: “I need you to acknowledge how your actions impacted me.” If they deflect (“You’re too sensitive”), repeat your boundary: “This isn’t about sensitivity. I’m asking for respect.”
3. Seek External Validation
Talk to a trusted friend, therapist, or support group. Gaslighting isolates you; external perspectives help rebuild your confidence.
4. Avoid Arguing About “Reality”
Gaslighters thrive on debate. Instead of engaging, say, “We remember things differently,” and disengage. You can’t reason someone out of a position they didn’t reason themselves into.
5. Prioritize Self-Care
Gaslighting is exhausting. Reconnect with activities that ground you: exercise, hobbies, or time with supportive people. Remind yourself daily: My feelings are valid.
When to Walk Away
Not all relationships can—or should—be saved. If the gaslighter refuses accountability or escalates their behavior, leaving may be the healthiest choice. You deserve relationships built on mutual respect, not mind games.
Final Thoughts: Your Feelings Matter
Gaslighting preys on your empathy and desire to see the best in others. But questioning your reality isn’t love—it’s control. Anger isn’t just “okay” here; it’s a sign you still recognize your worth. Trust yourself. You’re not “crazy,” and you have every right to demand better.
If you’re still wondering, “Am I overreacting?” ask this instead: “Does this person make me feel safe and heard?” If the answer is no, your anger isn’t the problem—their behavior is.
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