What Degree Should You Choose If You Feel Behind After Mistakes in Your Early 20s
The chipped blue ceramic coffee mug sat next to a half-eaten bowl of Cheerios on my kitchen table last month, when my 28-year-old son slid his 7-year-old college transcript across the wood grain. His knuckles were still scraped from framing houses that week, and he wouldn’t meet my eye when he said, “I want to go back. But I messed everything up before 25. What degree do I even get now? Everyone I graduated high school with has their career already.”
He dropped out of a 4-year state college at 21, after a DUI and two semesters of failing more classes than he passed. We fought about it, he moved into a friend’s trailer, we didn’t do Sunday dinners for three years. He paid his fines, did his community service, kept showing up to the framing job every day at 6 a.m. He got his license back, started paying his own insurance, slowly rebuilt trust. I stopped nagging him about going back to school a couple years ago, figured he’d figure it out when he was ready.
When he said he wanted to explore options, I told him I knew an advisor at the local community college—my cousin Lora, who’d been working with adult returning students for 20 years. I asked if he wanted to go talk to her, no strings attached, and he said yes. We drove over on a Wednesday afternoon, Lora’s office was on the second floor of a crumbling building, covered in student art and a half-dead pothos plant on the windowsill.
When he told her he was thinking about a computer science degree because it pays well, she pushed the list of popular 4-year programs to the side and got straight to the point. The biggest mistake people make coming back after a break is picking a degree that’s supposed to get you “caught up” fast, instead of one that builds on what you already have. “You’ve been working construction for six years,” she said. “You know how to read blueprints, you know how to manage a crew of three when your boss isn’t there, you know how to keep a project on schedule. Why start over from scratch?”
She told him the school gives credit for verified work experience, so he could test out of three introductory classes just by showing his employment history and passing a quick competency test. That cuts a full semester off his time, and saves him close to $1,000 in tuition. She suggested starting with an associate’s in construction management, not jumping straight to a 4-year degree. No need to commit to four years of tuition and time when you haven’t taken a test in a decade. He can keep working full time, take two classes a semester, pay as he goes. Tuition here is $147 a credit, so two classes a semester comes out to under $900 a semester—no student loans needed. If he decides he wants a bachelor’s later to run large commercial projects, all his associate’s credits will transfer to the state school 20 minutes away.
When he pulled out his crumpled old transcript and asked how his bad grades would affect everything, Lora shook her head. For students over 25 coming back after a break of five or more years, the school doesn’t count old GPAs toward a new degree. “Showing up to work every day for six years is a better predictor of success than a D you got in freshman English when you were 19,” she said. I had no idea that policy even existed, and my son just sat back and exhaled, like he’d been holding that breath for seven years.
I’ve talked to three other parents in my mom group whose kids are in this same spot—dropped out, made big mistakes, feel like they’re too far behind to start over. The most common mistake I see us parents make is pushing our idea of the “right” degree. We read all the articles about high-paying fields and push our kids toward computer science or nursing, even if they’ve been working in a day care for five years or doing auto mechanic work on the side. The single most helpful thing you can do, if your kid is ready to look at degrees, is book that first free advising appointment at the local community college yourself. A lot of them are too overwhelmed or embarrassed to reach out on their own. Offer to drive, sit in the waiting room if they want you to, and don’t push your own preferences once the meeting starts. If your kid wants to build on the work experience they already have, that’s always a better bet than starting over in a completely new field. It cuts down on time and cost, and they already have a foot in the door.
Right now, my son has finished his first semester. He got an A in Construction Materials and a B in College Algebra. He’s already registered for two classes next semester. Last Sunday, we were cleaning up after dinner, and he said he still feels behind sometimes. One of his old roommates just got promoted to a manager role at a software company, and bought a house. I didn’t give him some big speech about how it’s all okay. I just reminded him that same roommate still uses his old Netflix password, and hasn’t paid him back for a $40 pizza run from 2019. He laughed.
We don’t know if he’ll stick with the degree, or if he’ll even want that promotion to site supervisor long term. He might decide after a year that he likes framing better, that the extra money isn’t worth the extra desk work. That’s fine. There’s no deadline for getting it right. Right now, he’s moving forward, one class at a time. That’s enough for me.
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