Am I Going To Get Bullied For Wearing Trans Tape? What 8th Graders And Caregivers Need To Know
Last week, I was wiping down the kitchen counter after dinner when my 13-year-old leaned against the fridge, half a peeled orange in one hand, and looked up from his phone to ask the question he’d been sitting on all summer: “Am I gonna get bullied for wearing ts when I start 8th grade?”
He came out as trans two years ago, and last school year he relied on off-the-rack chest binders to get through the day. By May, he was coming home with bruising across his ribs and skipping PE because he couldn’t catch his breath running the mile. His pediatrician suggested trying trans tape over the summer, as a lighter alternative for kids who can’t tolerate binders. He’d saved up half his birthday money to buy a few rolls from the queer shop downtown, and spent every Sunday after shower practicing cutting it to fit in front of his full-length mirror.
He turned his phone around to show me a Reddit thread he’d been reading: a 14-year-old trans boy said another kid had ripped the edge of his tape loose in the crowded hallway between classes, and everyone standing nearby had laughed. He pushed the orange peel around the cutting board, his thumb picking at the white pith, and said he couldn’t stop thinking about that story.
I almost spit out the generic, comforting lie most of us reach for first: “No one’s going to bother you. Most kids don’t care that much.” But I worked as a paraprofessional in a local middle school last year, and I know better. Middle schoolers are wired to notice difference, and the cruel ones know exactly how to target the small, vulnerable things you care about most. I sat down on the step stool next to him and asked what he’d already thought about doing to keep himself comfortable.
He surprised me by already having a list started. The first thing he wanted was a hall pass that let him leave PE two minutes early to change back out of his gym clothes, so he wouldn’t be crammed into the locker room with 25 other boys all crowding around the sinks to change. That made sense. The biggest risk of someone noticing or commenting on tape is when you’re changing, so avoiding the rush cuts that risk entirely.
That night, we sat down together to write a short email to his homeroom teacher and the school counselor. We didn’t just say “he’s trans, be nice.” We laid out exactly what we needed: the hall pass for changing, and a request that if any kid made a comment or disrupted class about it, the teacher address the comment right then instead of pulling my son out of class to “talk it through later.” Pulling a kid out in front of everyone draws way more attention than the original comment ever did, and that’s the last thing any kid wants. The counselor wrote back 20 minutes later saying it was all set, no questions asked.
From there, we worked through a few more small, boring steps that took less than an hour total. We practiced two one-line responses he can use if someone asks what’s on his chest or makes a stupid comment: “It’s none of your business” and “Why are you looking at my chest?” No big speeches, no fights, just a line that lets him shut the conversation down and walk away. He thought practicing was dumb at first, but after we ran through it three times in the car on the way to get groceries, he admitted it felt better than freezing up and not knowing what to say.
We also walked the school halls during the open house last week to map his route. We found a less crowded water fountain between his second and third period classes, and figured out that the gender-neutral bathroom closest to his locker is the one by the art room, not the one all the way by the main office that everyone knows is “the trans bathroom.” Avoiding the extra attention that comes with using that high-traffic bathroom cuts down on unnecessary staring. We picked up a couple of thicker cotton hoodies for the cool mornings, loose enough to cover any edge of tape that might lift after PE, and he tried on every new back-to-school shirt with his tape on to make sure the edges didn’t show through.
I didn’t lie to him when he asked if he’d get bullied. I told him some kids are stupid and cruel, and there’s a chance someone might say something stupid. But that’s not his fault, and we’ve got plans in place for if it happens. A lot of parenting advice for this stuff tells you to just “be supportive” or “encourage confidence,” but that’s useless when your kid is sitting at your kitchen table worrying about being humiliated in the hallway. The small, practical stuff is what makes the biggest difference. It cuts down on the constant low-level worry that comes with waiting for something bad to happen. When you know what you’ll do if someone says something, the worry loses a lot of its weight.
School starts Monday. We’ve got an extra roll of tape tucked in the hidden pocket of his backpack, the counselor’s number is saved in his phone, and his hall pass is printed out and taped inside his planner. Some nights he’s bouncing off the walls excited that he won’t have to go through the whole day with rib pain anymore. Other nights he curls up on the couch and says maybe he should just go back to binders, even if it hurts. I don’t tell him he’s overreacting. I just make hot cocoa and sit with him, and if he wants to talk through it, we talk. If not, we just rewatch an episode of his favorite show.
Tonight he was sitting on the front porch with his best friend, who’s also trans, and his friend said he’s worn tape to school for a year and no one’s said anything to him. Most kids are too busy worrying about their own acne, their own grades, their own crushes to pay that much attention to anyone else’s chest. My kid nodded, and threw a pinecone into the yard, and said “Yeah, I guess that’s true.” I don’t know what’s going to happen next week. No one can promise it’ll be easy. But right now, he looks in the mirror and likes what he sees, and that’s enough for now.
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