Why Kids Post “Will I Get Bullied For This” Online (And What Caregivers Can Do)
Last month I was curled up on the couch next to my 12-year-old Lila, half-watching a baking show while she edited a Reel of the new skateboard she built in 4H woodshop. The board was lumpy along the edges, painted neon pink, with a peeling Hello Kitty sticker right in the center, and she was really proud of it. When she got to the caption, she paused, tapped out her line, and turned the phone to me: “Will I get bullied for posting this?” I asked her why she’d put that instead of just saying she built it herself, and she shrugged like it was obvious. “All people do it now. If you say it first, they can’t surprise you. And if everyone says no, you get nice comments.”
I started noticing it everywhere after that: the 8th grade boy down the street posting a pencil drawing of a dragon with the same line, the 7th grade girl on Lila’s cross country team posting a photo of her rainbow hair extensions with it, even a freshman at the local high school posting a clip of his first garage band set with the caption. A week later, I was at the back-to-school parent coffee at the middle school, and the topic came up. Three moms were rolling their eyes, saying it was just attention-seeking, that kids were fishing for compliments and being dramatic, that they wish kids would stop posting these cringey captions all the time. I nodded along, but I couldn’t stop thinking about what Lila said.
I remembered when I was 13, I made a tie-dye shirt for spirit week and spent the whole walk to school making jokes about how splotchy it was before anyone else could say anything. I did the exact same thing, just to my best friend instead of 300 of my classmates online. It wasn’t dramatic then, and it’s not dramatic now—it’s just a kid’s trick for softening the blow if someone is mean.
A few days after Lila showed me her caption, she hit post. Ten minutes later, she had a dozen comments telling her the board was cool, that it was awesome she built it herself. One boy from her math class commented “lmao why is it so lumpy” and Lila just snickered and locked her phone. “See?” she said. “I already said it. It doesn’t even matter that he said it.” That’s when it clicked for me. This isn’t a cry for attention or a trend for clout. It’s a defense mechanism kids have developed for a social world that’s always public, always being judged. When they put the possibility of bullying out in the open first, they rob any future mean comment of its power. No one can catch them off guard with an insult they’ve already acknowledged themselves.
Most of the time, when adults see these posts, we do one of two unhelpful things. We either roll our eyes and dismiss it as attention-seeking, which brushes off the very real fact that most middle schoolers have already been made fun of for something small—their shoes, their hobby, the way they talk. Bullying isn’t a made-up fear for them, so dismissing their coping strategy doesn’t help anything. Or we jump in publicly and comment “don’t be silly! No one will bully you, you’re amazing!” which puts the kid on the spot and also sets them up for disappointment if someone does say something mean. If you guarantee it won’t happen, and it does, the kid is less likely to come to you for help next time.
I’ve found three small things that work way better, and any parent or teacher can do them without much effort. First, if you see your kid post this caption, don’t comment on the post publicly. Pull them aside privately and ask, “What made you decide to put that caption on there?” It’s a simple question that doesn’t embarrass them, and it lets them tell you what’s really going on. When I asked Lila that after she posted her skateboard, she told me she’d posted an anime drawing a few months before that two boys made fun of, and she just wanted to avoid that awkward shock this time. It wasn’t about compliments at all—it was about self-protection.
Second, if they say they’re actually worried about being picked on, don’t rush to reassure them it won’t happen. Instead, say, “That makes sense. It sucks putting something you care about out there where people can be mean. If someone says something dumb, do you want help handling it, or do you got it this time?” That validates their fear instead of dismissing it, and it lets them choose how much support they want. When I said that to Lila, she said she had it, which she did—she replied to the boy’s comment with “yeah I built it myself, it rides better than your store-bought one” and that was the end of the conversation.
Third, if you only see this caption once in a while, don’t worry about it. It’s just a kid testing the waters. If your kid is posting it with every single post, even photos of their lunch or a casual selfie after school, that’s a good time to check in more deeply about what’s going on at school. It might be a sign they’re dealing with ongoing tension or bullying that they haven’t felt comfortable telling you about yet.
I still hear other parents complain about these posts all the time, and I don’t push it if they don’t want to hear my take. It’s easy to write off kid trends as dramatic or attention-seeking when you’re not the one navigating middle school hallways and public social feeds. Lila still posts the caption every now and then when she shares something new she’s made. I still don’t love it, honestly—it feels weird to me, like oversharing a vulnerable thought to hundreds of people. But it works for her. Most days, she posts her thing, gets a few nice comments, brushes off any dumb ones, and moves on. I’m still learning to step back and let her figure out her own way to be seen, instead of telling her to stop doing what works for her. So far, that’s been enough.
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