Age-Appropriate Anti-Racism Resources for 5 Year Olds: What I Tried That Actually Works
Last month, I was wiping sticky peanut butter off my 5-year-old Lila’s booster seat when she paused mid-rant about how her preschool slide was “way too slippery” and said, “Mia says her grandma can’t come to the class picnic ‘cause people yell at her for speaking Spanish.” I froze. The sponge dripped peanut butter water onto the floor. I knew I wanted to talk about this with her, I knew anti-racism work starts young, but I had no idea what to say, or what resources were actually made for a kid who still thinks bedtime is a human rights violation and can’t remember where she put her left shoe three times a day.
I spent that night scrolling Google and Pinterest, searching for exactly what I needed, and came up with a lot of nothing that fit. Half the lists were full of books about the civil rights movement that explain segregation and systemic injustice in terms that would go right over her head. I checked one out from the library the week before, about a Black girl trying to go to an all-white school, and by the end Lila just asked if the girl got a juice box after her long walk. It wasn’t her fault she didn’t get it; she’s 5. She thinks the past is anything that happened before she was born, which is basically forever. The other resources were all vague thinkpieces telling me I needed to “start the conversation” but didn’t tell me how, or what that conversation even looks like for a kid that age.
A few days later, I corralled Lila’s preschool teacher, Ms. Rita, by the door after pick up, while rain dripped down my collar and Lila jumped in a puddle that soaked my sneakers. I told her about the picnic comment and my frustrating search for age-appropriate resources, and she laughed and said most parents get this wrong. “Five year olds don’t need a college lecture on race,” she said. “They need to practice seeing difference as good, and calling unfair things unfair. That’s it. You don’t have to fix everything all at once.”
She sent me home with a short, doable list, and I’ve been testing it out for a month now, so I can tell you what actually sticks. First, the books: skip the heavy history for now, and stick to books that show BIPOC kids and families doing ordinary, everyday things, no big trauma plot. Lila’s favorite right now is Hair Love by Matthew Cherry – it’s just a dad learning to do his daughter’s curly hair for a special occasion. That’s it. No big forced lesson, just a sweet story about a dad and his kid, and it leads naturally to talking about how different people have different hair, and that’s all good. The Skin You Live In is another great one – it’s short, rhymes, compares skin color to different things like coffee and cream and sugar cookies, and ends with how we all work and play together. Last Stop on Market Street works well too, it talks about noticing all the different kinds of people in your community, and how everyone has something good to share.
Ms. Rita also told me the best “resources” aren’t even books – they’re the small things you do every day. The first habit I changed was stopping myself from shushing Lila when she points out difference out loud. I used to panic if she said something like “why is that man’s skin darker than mine?” in the middle of the grocery store, and I’d elbow her and whisper “don’t say that.” But that just tells kids that difference is something bad to be ashamed of, right? After Ms. Rita pointed that out, I tried just answering simply, out loud, no embarrassment. “His skin is darker because everyone’s skin is a little different, just like how your eyes are brown and mine are blue. Isn’t it cool how we all look different?” It feels weird at first, but it takes 10 seconds, and Lila just nods and goes back to asking for goldfish crackers. That’s it.
For free, low-effort activities, I found that Teaching Tolerance has a bunch of free activity packs for preschool and kindergarten age kids that are just coloring sheets, matching games, and simple stories about kids playing with friends who look different from them. I printed a dozen out and keep them in the car for long doctor’s office waits, and Lila doesn’t even think of it as a “lesson” – she just thinks it’s coloring. I also started paying more attention to the shows she watches. Instead of defaulting to the same old shows with all white main characters, I queue up ones that have diverse casts that don’t make a big deal out of it. Gabby’s Dollhouse has MerCat, who’s Black, and she just loves sparkles and swimming, no special “very special episode” about race. That’s exactly what 5 year olds need – to see different people as just people, living their lives, before they learn all the complicated, heavy stuff.
After I talked to Ms. Rita, I sat down with Lila a few nights after that original dinner comment and we talked about Mia’s grandma again. I didn’t give her a big speech about immigration or racism. I just said, “What happened to Mia’s grandma isn’t fair, right? People should be able to speak whatever language they want, and every grandma should get to go to her grandkid’s picnic.” Lila thought for a minute and said she wanted to make a drawing for Mia to bring home, and bring her extra chocolate chip cookies that we baked the weekend before. That’s anti-racism for a 5 year old, isn’t it? Standing up for your friend, caring when something’s unfair.
I still fumble sometimes. Last week, Lila asked why our next door neighbor has a “funny voice” when he talks, and I stumbled over my answer a little before I remembered to just say he learned to speak English when he was older, just like you’re learning to spell your name, and that’s really cool that he knows two languages. I don’t have all the answers, and I don’t need to right now. What I’ve learned is that anti-racism resources for 5 year olds don’t need to be fancy, or expensive, or super detailed. They just need to meet kids where they are – building small habits of kindness, noticing difference without fear, and calling out unfairness when it’s small enough for them to understand. We’re just taking it one cookie and one picture book at a time right now, and that’s enough for me.
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