Age-Appropriate Anti-Racism Resources for 5-Year-Olds: What Works For My Family
Two weeks ago, I stood in the parking lot of my 5-year-old daughter Lila’s preschool, wiping melted cherry ice cream off her wrist, when she tilted her head and asked, “Why is Javi’s skin brown like my popsicle, and mine is pale like my vanilla yogurt? Is that bad?”
I fumbled for an answer. I said “Of course it’s not bad!” but then she followed up with, “One of the moms at the park said it’s rude to talk about skin. So why can I talk about hair?” I tucked her into her car seat and buckled her in, and changed the subject to the goldfish crackers waiting in the diaper bag. I’d been meaning to look for anti-racism resources for her age for months, but every time I searched, I came up empty. Everything I found was either for middle schoolers talking about systemic injustice, or commenters arguing that it’s too early to bring it up at all. I left that parking lot knowing I couldn’t wait anymore, so I spent the next two weeks digging, asking her preschool teacher for advice, testing out books and activities, and figuring out what actually fits a 5-year-old’s world.
The first mistake I made was grabbing a viral, highly recommended anti-racism book that opened with a story about segregation. I got two pages in before Lila got that wide-eyed worried look she gets when something scares her she doesn’t understand, and asked, “Do people still lock kids up because of their skin color?” I ended up closing the book early and spending an hour reassuring her that no, that wasn’t something that happened to little kids where we lived right now. That night, I talked to her preschool teacher, Ms. Rita, who’s taught 4- and 5-year-olds for 22 years, and she said something that clicked for me. Five-year-olds think in small, concrete terms, she said. They don’t understand hundreds of years of history or abstract systemic inequality. They just got done learning how to share crayons and zip their own coats. They notice difference, because that’s what their brains do right now – they sort everything into categories, from toy trucks to hair color. The job of anti-racism at 5 isn’t to explain every wrong that’s ever happened. It’s to build the habit of talking openly about difference, and teach that being mean to someone because of how they look is always wrong. That’s it.
With that in mind, I tested out a handful of resources that actually stuck, no tears, no confusing big words. The first book that became a bedtime favorite is The Skin You Live In. It has simple, bouncy rhymes and bright illustrations of all different kids playing soccer, eating popsicles, and holding hands. It names skin colors out loud – peach, cocoa, honey, caramel – doesn’t pretend we all look the same, and ends with a simple line about being friends. Lila asks to read it three times a week, and she’ll point out which color matches Javi’s skin, which matches mine, which matches hers. Another hit is Hair Love, which is just a sweet story of a Black dad learning to do his daughter’s curly hair for the first time. There’s no big heavy speech about racism, just a dad and daughter loving each other, and Lila loves pointing out how the girl’s hair is bigger than her teddy bear.
Resources don’t have to be books, either. Most of the work I’ve done is small, low-fuss changes to our everyday space that cost next to nothing. Our old floor puzzle had four blonde white kids picking apples on a farm, so I swapped it for a $12 puzzle from Target that shows eight kids of all different skin tones playing on a playground. It’s just a puzzle, but now Lila points out “that boy looks like Javi” every time we put it together. I added two cheap new dolls to her toy bin: a Black doll with curly hair that matches Javi’s little sister, and an Asian doll with a straight ponytail that matches Lila’s other best friend, Mei. They were $8 each at Walmart, no fancy hand-carved organic doll required. Lila now includes them in all her tea parties, and that’s that.
The biggest change I’ve made isn’t even a resource you can buy. I used to shush Lila when she pointed out someone’s difference in public, because I’d been taught that talking about skin or hair or clothing that’s different from ours is rude. Now, I just answer her question quietly and normally, like I would if she asked why someone’s wearing a cast. When she pointed out a Sikh man’s turban at the grocery store last week, I said “That’s a turban, it’s something many Sikh men wear because it’s important to their religion. Isn’t the blue fabric pretty?” That’s it. No big lecture, no awkward shushing. I stopped saying “we don’t see color” too, because that’s a lie to a 5-year-old. They do see color, just like they see blue eyes vs brown eyes. Pretending we don’t just makes it feel like a scary secret you can’t ask about.
I still don’t get it right every time. Last weekend, I tried to pull out a picture book about Ruby Bridges that I thought I could simplify for Lila, and she again got too upset hearing about people being mean to a little kid her age, so I put it on the top shelf to pull out in a couple years when she’s ready. I used to think I needed a perfect set of resources, a full curriculum, to get this right. Turns out, for a 5-year-old, that’s overkill. Right now, it’s enough that she knows she can ask any question she wants, that difference isn’t scary or rude, and our rule is we’re kind to everyone, no matter what they look like. When she’s older, we’ll talk about the harder, heavier stuff. For now, these small, simple resources fit her world just right.
Please indicate: Thinking In Educating » Age-Appropriate Anti-Racism Resources for 5-Year-Olds: What Works For My Family