Age-Appropriate Anti-Racism Resources for 5 Year Olds: What I Learned as a Parent
The sticky pink drips of my daughter Mia’s popsicle were running down my wrist last month when she trotted over from the playground slide, grass clippings stuck to her scraped knee, and asked the question I’d been waiting for but wasn’t ready for. “Mom, why is my skin peach and Lila’s is brown?” Lila was her new friend from preschool, who’d moved to town three weeks earlier, and Mia had been glued to her side all afternoon.
I mumbled something about “everyone’s different” and waved her back to the slide, my face hot. I knew I wanted to talk to my 5 year old about race and anti-racism, but when the moment actually came, I drew a blank. That night, I opened my laptop and started hunting for resources that fit a kid who still thinks fractions are just pieces of cookie and can’t sit through a 10 minute story without getting up to jump. What I found was a mess: most resources were either aimed at middle schoolers, full of abstract concepts that would go right over her head, or so vague they just said “we’re all the same” which felt wrong—Mia already saw we were different, and ignoring that felt like I was hiding something.
I spent the next two weeks swapping recommendations with her preschool teacher, testing out half a dozen books and activities, and figuring out what actually sticks with a 5 year old. It turns out you don’t need a fancy curriculum or specialized training to do this right.
The first book that worked for us was The Colors of Us by Karen Katz. It’s a simple story about a girl walking through her neighborhood with her mom, pointing out all the different shades of skin her friends have, comparing them to things a 5 year old already knows: cinnamon, honey, peanut butter, peach. When we read it the first night, Mia leaned in and pointed to the honey-colored page and yelled “That’s Lila!” It was that simple. She got it immediately, no extra explanation needed. I followed that up with Hair Love, which is just a sweet, short story about a Black dad learning to do his daughter’s curly hair. Mia loves pointing out the different hairstyles and talking about how my straight hair is different from her cousin’s curly hair. It’s just a nice, normal story about family, not a preachy lesson.
After we read the book, I dug out the old tempera paint we had in the craft closet and we mixed shades to match our own skin. It took 15 minutes, cost nothing, and Mia still has her little painting taped to the fridge. It’s the kind of low-effort activity that sticks way more than any lecture. I also noticed that all the wooden people in our play set were pale beige, so I ordered a $12 set of multicultural wooden play people from Target, and now when she sets up her little town, she has people of all different shades living there. It’s such a small change, but it means she gets to see difference as a normal part of life, not something we only talk about once a year during a special lesson.
I was worried about screen time, but there are actually great free short clips and episodes that work perfectly for this age. The Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood episode “Friends Are Different and That’s Okay” is only 15 minutes, and it frames difference as something fun, not scary. We’ve watched it three times, and Mia now walks around singing the little song about how “different is good when you’re friends with everyone.” Sesame Street also has 2-minute clips talking about race that are perfect for before dinner, when you’re waiting for the pasta to boil.
One thing I learned that surprised me: don’t shut your kid down when they ask about difference. A lot of parents I talked to said they tell their kids “we don’t see color” or hush them when they point out different skin in public, because they’re embarrassed. But that teaches kids that difference is something bad, something you can’t talk about. Instead, you can just say a simple, honest line: “Skin comes in lots of different shades because everyone’s family comes from different parts of the world, and all of them are beautiful and okay.” That’s it, you don’t need to add anything else. That’s enough for a 5 year old.
The other big mistake I almost made was trying to erase difference by saying “we’re all the same.” When I tried that with Mia early on, she looked at me confused and said “No, we’re not. Lila likes mango and I like strawberry. Our skin is different too. Why can’t we talk about that?” She was right. 5 year olds think in concrete terms, they notice differences, and pretending those differences don’t exist doesn’t help anyone. It just teaches them to be dishonest about what they see.
We’re still figuring this out. Last week, Mia made a comment about a lady’s hair at the grocery store that was a little too loud, and I fumbled my response a little, pulling her away quickly before I could explain it nicely. I still don’t have all the answers. But right now, what’s working is small, everyday stuff: reading the right books, doing a quick paint activity, letting her talk about what she sees instead of shutting her down. Next month, her preschool is having a heritage share day, and Lila’s mom is bringing homemade samosas for the class, and Mia already decided we’re bringing our famous chocolate chip cookies. It’s not fancy, it’s not perfect, but it’s a start. And for a 5 year old, that’s more than enough.
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