How To Tell If You’ve Taken On Too Much Work This School Year
It’s 9:17 PM on a Tuesday in August, I’m sitting at my chipped kitchen table, surrounded by half-filled volunteer sign-up sheets, a printed copy of my 10-year-old’s gifted program pull-out schedule, and a half-empty mug of lukewarm mint tea. My phone just pinged with a reminder: PTA fundraiser planning call tomorrow 7 PM. I stare at the Google calendar open on my laptop, where the month of September already has 12 colored blocks, most of them scheduled during the hours I’m supposed to be finishing my freelance writing work.
Last year, I said no to almost everything after I messed up a big client deadline because I left work early for a class pumpkin party and missed a revision window. I told myself this year I’d be more present for the school community, step up where I could, and make a little extra money to cover our summer camping trip next year. So when the PTA asked for a book fair coordinator, I said yes. When my son’s teacher asked for someone to lead the art docent program after the last person moved out of state, I said yes. When my sister asked me to watch her two kids every Wednesday after school while she starts her new nursing job, I said yes. And I said yes to a monthly retainer client that adds 10 hours of work a week.
It wasn’t until last week, driving home from soccer practice, that my son turned to me from the back seat and said, “Mom, why do you always check your calendar when I talk to you?” I’d been scrolling through my schedule while he told me about a new kid on the team who brought cool Pokemon cards, and I didn’t even realize I’d done it. That’s when the little knot in my stomach that I’d been ignoring for weeks got bigger: I don’t know if I’ve taken on too big a workload for this year.
That night, I dug out a stack of old 3×5 index cards my son left over from his 4th grade science fair project, and I wrote every single one of my commitments on a separate card. It’s a trick I saw an elementary school counselor share a while back, no fancy app or fancy workbook required. Then I sorted them into three piles: things only I can do, things I can do but someone else could do just as well, and things I said yes to just because I didn’t want to say no.
When I finished sorting, the full book fair coordination landed firmly in the second pile. I love a good book fair as much as the next parent, but I don’t need to run the whole thing. There’s another mom who commented on the PTA Facebook post three weeks ago saying she wanted to get more involved this year, she just hadn’t been asked directly. I handed that off to her two days later, and she was thrilled to take it on. The weekly childcare for my sister’s kids landed in the third pile. I’d said yes because I felt guilty that she was a single mom starting over, but I forgot her in-laws live 10 minutes away and already offered to help. She just was nervous to take them up on it. When I told her I could only do every other Wednesday, she sighed and said she’d been meaning to ask if I was overwhelmed, she just didn’t want to be a burden.
The art docent role and the extra client stayed in the “only me” pile. I actually love going into the classroom once a month to do art projects with the kids, and my son lights up when I’m there. The extra client is how we’re going to pay for the camping trip we’ve been planning for a year. Those are choices I want to keep.
What I’ve learned from this little exercise is that most of the time, we don’t stop to add up our commitments until we’re already burnt out. There are small, concrete signs you can spot long before that, though. It’s forgetting to pack your kid’s favorite after-school snack two weeks in a row. It’s checking your phone during dinner more than three nights a week. It’s going to bed 15 minutes later every night because you’re catching up on work you didn’t get done during the day. Those aren’t just “new year jitters” – they’re signs your plate is already too full.
Now, before I say yes to anything new, I ask myself one question: Would I say yes to this if I didn’t feel guilty saying no? It’s a simple question that cuts through all the noise. If the answer is no, I say, “I can’t take that on right now, but I know someone who might be interested,” and connect them to someone else who wants the role. I also leave 20% of my calendar every week completely empty, no blocks, no commitments. Something always comes up – a kid gets a fever, a meeting runs over, the dog needs an unexpected trip to the vet. If your calendar is 100% full, any little unexpected thing pushes everything over the edge.
Last weekend, we had a completely free Saturday for the first time all month. We stayed in pajamas until 10 AM, built a lopsided Lego castle that collapsed an hour later, and got ice cream from the truck that parks down the street. My son said it was the best Saturday he’d had all summer. I still catch myself leaning toward saying yes automatically when someone asks, but I’m getting better at pausing.
I still don’t know if my current workload will end up being too much once the school year actually starts. The first few weeks always bring weird last-minute surprises: open house nights, forgotten school supplies, endless permission slips that need to be signed. I might have to drop another small commitment a month in if I start noticing I’m skipping my evening walks or my son is asking for more of my time. That’s okay. This year doesn’t need to be perfect. It just needs to be something I can actually show up for.
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