Why and How to Introduce Your Kids to Club Volleyball: A Parent’s Firsthand Experience
The coffee stain on our sectional was still visible through Lila’s hoodie as she slumped over, crushing a handful of cheddar Goldfish into her lap. It was mid-March, her rec soccer season had ended two weeks prior, and she’d been moping around the house ever since. “All the girls from my math class are talking about club volleyball tryouts,” she mumbled, not looking up. “I want to go. But I’ve never even played a real game.”
I’d heard all the common warnings about club volleyball: screaming sideline parents, thousands of dollars in fees and cross-country travel, 12-year-olds training 20 hours a week for a college scholarship that most never get. I almost told her it was too much, too competitive, just stick to rec league the next fall. But I also knew she’d been craving something that felt like her choice, not just the activity I’d signed her up for because it fit our work schedule. So I said I’d look into it.
I emailed three local clubs, and the first director wrote back within a few hours. She said their U12 division had a developmental track specifically for kids with no experience, no cuts, less travel, and lower fees than the elite teams. I’d had no idea that even existed— I’d assumed all club volleyball was for kids who’d been playing since they were 8. We signed up for the open tryout.
Lila forgot to grab the borrowed knee pads I’d left by the door that morning, so the 16-year-old assistant coach lent her a pair that stretched halfway up her calves. She kept hitching them up between drills, missed almost every pass the first hour, and I sat in the viewing area thinking she’d be embarrassed and ready to leave early. But at the end of the two hours, the head coach pulled her aside, showed her how to position her hands for a bump, told her she did a great job adjusting her feet, and invited her to join the team.
Before the first practice, I posted in the club’s new parent Facebook group that we were looking for gently used gear for a first-year player. Within a day, a mom whose daughter had moved up an age group gave us a nearly new volleyball, knee pads, and a practice bag for $20 total. I’d almost dropped $180 on new gear before that, so that was a huge win. We started going to practice twice a week after school, and I’d sit in the viewing area with my book, listening to other parents chat. Half of them were just like me—their kid wanted to try something new, no expectations of playing in college. The other half were already planning summer recruiting camps, but no one pushed that agenda on the new, casual players.
Lila has always been the kid who hates being bad at something new. If she couldn’t get it right the first time, she’d shut down. In 5th grade, she stopped raising her hand in class after getting an answer wrong and said the other kids laughed. If she messed up a drawing, she’d crumple it up and throw it away before anyone saw it. But after a month of volleyball, I noticed a shift. One night she was stuck on a pre-algebra problem, and instead of closing her notebook and saying she couldn’t do it, she pulled out her phone and texted a girl from her team who’s good at math to ask for help. I didn’t prompt her, she just did it. That’s when I realized this was teaching her something I’d never been able to get across: it’s okay to not be good at something at the start, you just have to ask for help to get better.
A lot of parents I talk to now say they’d never consider club volleyball because they assume it’s too expensive or too cutthroat for a kid who just wants to play for fun. But from what I’ve learned, there are small, concrete things you can do to make it work if your kid is curious. First, be upfront when you reach out to a club that your kid is new and just playing for fun, not for recruiting. Most clubs have multiple tiers of teams, so you don’t have to jump into an elite travel team right away. Ask specifically about developmental or entry-level teams that don’t do cuts and have limited travel, which keeps costs down. Second, never buy all new gear upfront. Almost every club has a used gear swap or parent group where people sell or give away gear their kids have outgrown—volleyball gear only gets used for a season or two before kids outgrow it, so most people are happy to pass it along. Third, set a low-stakes exit rule before you start. We told Lila if she hated it after the first eight weeks, we could quit with no guilt, no questions asked. That took all the pressure off both of us. Fourth, if cost is a concern, just ask about sliding scale or need-based spots. I was embarrassed to bring it up at first, but the club I worked with had several spots for developmental teams, they just don’t advertise them widely.
Two weeks ago, we drove three hours for our first out-of-town tournament. Lila’s team lost all four of their games. After the final match, the whole team went to a nearby ice cream shop, and Lila came home with chocolate shake all down the front of her uniform, grinning. She told me she messed up the final serve that would have tied the last game, but her captain high-fived her and said “next time you’ll get it.” She didn’t mope about it, she just talked about how fun it was to hang out with everyone off the court.
I still don’t know if Lila will stick with club volleyball long term. Next year she might decide she’d rather do theater or cross country or nothing at all, and that’s fine. It hasn’t turned into the all-consuming commitment I was worried it would be—we only travel an hour or two for tournaments most of the time, it’s just two practices a week, and it fits our schedule. I used to think club volleyball was only for kids who were already good, and parents who cared way too much about winning. Now I know it can just be a place for a kid who wants to try something new, mess up a lot, and learn how to ask for help along the way. We’re planning to sign up again next season, but if she changes her mind between now and then, that’s okay too.
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