Babysitting Advice for New Moms: What No One Tells You Before Your First Time Leaving Your Baby
My phone buzzed mid-grocery run last week, the screen lighting up with a 911 text from my 24-year-old sister Lila, who’s been a new mom for exactly 11 weeks: “I have a c-section follow-up tomorrow. I need a babysitter. WHAT DO I DO. HELP.” I grabbed a carton of oat milk off the shelf and texted back: “I’ll be over in 20. Stop scrolling mom TikTok.”
When I got to her house, Lila was perched on the edge of her couch, crumbs from half-eaten Goldfish stuck to the hem of her stained nursing sweatpants. Milo, her 11-week-old, was in the swing by the window gnawing on a clean burp cloth, his little legs kicking every few seconds. Lila’s laptop was open to 14 overlapping tabs: “how to do a free background check for babysitters,” “what questions to ask a newborn babysitter,” “is it okay to leave a 3-month-old with a babysitter.” She’d worked herself into such a state she’d forgotten to pump that morning, her bra starting to leak through her shirt.
I’d been there. Five years ago, when my oldest was 3 months, I spent three weeks stressing about my first babysitter for a friend’s birthday dinner. I interviewed three girls, called all their references, made a three-page typed manual with everything from the baby’s preferred swaddle tightness to how I liked the bottles washed. I cried in the parking lot of the restaurant for 10 minutes before I could go in, and checked the baby cam 17 times in 3 hours. That’s the thing no one tells new moms: all the “must-dos” for babysitting online are designed to make you more anxious, not more prepared.
Lila’s appointment was only two and a half hours long. She didn’t need a fully vetted, professional nanny with five years of newborn experience. She just needed someone responsible to be in the house with Milo while she was gone, someone who wouldn’t panic if he fussed for 10 minutes.
First, I walked her through sourcing: instead of scrolling through hundreds of profiles on a big babysitting website, we texted our next door neighbor, who we’d known for 10 years, and asked for the name of the teen she’d used for her grandkid the last few months. Ten minutes later, we had Zoe, 17, a high school junior who lives three blocks away, available for the next day. That’s it. No endless interviews. When you trust the person who recommended them, you already have the most important check done. I told Lila to always line up one quick backup, too: she texted her mom, who lives 12 minutes away, and asked her to keep her phone on just in case. That took 2 minutes, and it took a ton of pressure off.
Next, instead of the three-page manual, I had her write five bullet points on an index card, taped to the fridge. It read: 1. Everything you need is in the changing table drawer by the couch. Extra pacifier is in the junk drawer. Help yourself to anything in the fridge. 2. Milo usually naps 1.5 hours after he eats. If he fusses, walk him to the front window and point out the birds – that always works. 3. My cell is (555) 123-4567. My mom is (555) 987-6543 and 10 minutes away if you need anything at all. 4. Don’t open the door for anyone, and don’t post any photos of Milo anywhere online. 5. If he’s asleep the whole time, just relax. No need to clean or do anything extra. That’s all. No one reads a 3-page manual anyway. They’re too nervous to remember it all.
For the meet and greet, we just asked Zoe to come 15 minutes early before Lila had to leave. She met Milo, saw how he likes to be held, walked through the index card, and that was it. Lila paid her $15 an hour, which is $2 more than the local going rate for teens, and slipped her an extra $5 for the short appointment. Paying a little extra more than makes up for any lack of experience, because it makes the sitter feel valued and more careful, not stressed about being underpaid.
Zoe texted Lila 20 minutes after she left: Milo’s down for his nap, everything’s good. Lila made it to her appointment, didn’t check her phone once, and when she got back, Zoe had even folded the stack of cloth diapers that was sitting on the dryer. It went far smoother than any of us expected.
Lila went out again last weekend, her and her husband got pizza and saw a movie, left Milo with Zoe again. She still texts me 10 minutes before she leaves saying she’s panicking, still checks the shared baby cam link once while she’s out. That doesn’t go away, not after the first time, not after the fifth.
I don’t tell new moms to “just relax” or “it’s good for you to get a break” like it’s that simple. I tell them to keep it small for the first few times. Don’t book a whole weekend away your first time leaving the baby. Start with a 2 or 3 hour appointment, when you’re just down the road. Keep the vetting simple, rely on people you already know to recommend someone, keep your instructions short, and always have a backup 15 minutes away.
It doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to get you out the door, and give you a few hours to breathe. Some things don’t ever stop feeling a little nerve-wracking, and that’s okay. You don’t have to be completely comfortable to go get what you need.
Please indicate: Thinking In Educating » Babysitting Advice for New Moms: What No One Tells You Before Your First Time Leaving Your Baby