How To Tell If You Took On Too Much Work As A Parent This Year (And What To Try Next)
It’s 9:17 PM on the Tuesday after back-to-school night, and I’m sitting at my kitchen table staring at a Google Calendar crammed with colored blocks and half-typed notes that say “bring granola bars” and “science fair signup due 9/15.” My coffee’s gone cold, the dog’s chewing on a neon pink eraser left out from first day of school supplies, and I just did a quick count: I’ve said yes to three new recurring commitments this week alone, on top of my full-time remote job and the daily shuffle of getting a third grader and kindergartener to and from school on time. When my husband walked in to grab a bottle of water from the fridge, he leaned against the counter and said, “You haven’t moved in 15 minutes. You okay?” I said, “I don’t know. Did I take on way too much for this year?” He just shrugged and said, “You always say that.” Which is fair. I’ve done this every fall for the past three years: get caught up in the fresh start energy, say yes to every ask, then hit mid-September feeling like I’m treading water.
Last year is a good example. I said yes to the PTA board, taught an after-school art class, and took on an extra work client that I didn’t need. By October, I missed my son’s first soccer goal because I was hiding behind the bleachers on a work call I couldn’t reschedule. I forgot to bring the team snack I’d signed up for, and another parent had to run to the gas station for fruit snacks and Gatorade. I spent the whole drive home that day irritable and guilty, and when we got home, I snapped at my older son for leaving his cleats by the door. That’s when I noticed the pattern: when my workload gets too full, the first thing that goes is the slow, nice parts of being a parent. I stop asking about their favorite part of the day at dinner, I rush through bedtime stories, I’d rather scroll on my phone for 10 minutes than build a block tower with my 5-year-old.
I didn’t want that to happen again this year, so I pulled out a blank piece of notebook paper instead of staring at my overcrowded calendar. I wrote down every single commitment I’d signed up for from now until December, then split them into three messy columns: need to do, want to do, said yes because I felt bad. The work project I’m finishing for the raise that will cover summer camp next year? Need to do. Coaching my older son’s rec soccer team? Want to do—he’s been asking me to coach since he started playing two years ago, and I want to be there for that. The third grade fall fundraiser co-chair spot? That was in the guilty column. The PTA president asked me right as I was grabbing my kindergartener from the playground, and I didn’t know how to say no without sounding like a bad parent.
That’s the first concrete thing I tried: I didn’t quit all my extra commitments, I just swapped the big one I didn’t want for a small one I could handle. I texted the PTA president the next morning and said, “I realized I overcommitted this month. Can I still help by running the cookie dough dropoff day in October instead of being co-chair?” She said yes, no guilt, no drama. Most people don’t care as much about you stepping back from a big role as you think they do.
I also added two small, low-effort adjustments that take less than 30 minutes a week total, and they’ve already taken a lot of pressure off. First, I started telling people I need 24 hours to think about any new commitment that takes more than 2 hours a month. I just say, “Let me check my calendar and get back to you tomorrow.” That stops me from blurting out yes in the pickup line when I’m distracted and feeling awkward. Second, I blocked 30 minutes every Friday afternoon on my work calendar for school stuff: signups, permission slips, emailing teachers, buying snacks for upcoming events. Before this, I’d cram all that into 9 PM after the kids went to bed, when I was already tired and making mistakes. Now it gets done when I’m still awake, and I don’t carry that to-do list around with me all week.
I know a lot of parenting content says you should just say no to everything extra to protect your peace, but that doesn’t work for most of us. Some extra work gets us things we need, some of it gets us things we want. I don’t regret coaching soccer, even if it means one night a week I have to make dinner early and rush out the door. It’s not about having an empty schedule—it’s about making sure the things that matter most to you actually have space. A big workload isn’t always a bad thing; the problem comes when you fill all your empty space with things you didn’t even want in the first place, leaving no room for the stuff that makes the busy days worth it.
Right now, I’ve cut two full commitments and adjusted three more, and my calendar feels manageable. I still have moments when I look at it and feel my chest get tight. Last week I forgot to sign my kindergartener up for the class apple picking trip, and I had to email the teacher a day late to ask if there was still space. There was, but it was a good reminder that I’m still going to mess up. I still don’t know for sure if I’ve taken on too much this year. Some months will be busier than others, and that’s okay. I’m not aiming for a perfectly balanced schedule this year. I’m just aiming to make it to most bedtime stories, and not miss too many big soccer goals, and not snap at my kids for small messes when I’m the one who filled up my own plate. That’s enough for right now.
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