Should I Wait to Get Pregnant Until After a Couple of Vacations? What I Learned
Last month, I met my friend Lila at our neighborhood coffee shop, the one that charges $6 for a latte and still puts ice in it even when you ask for no ice. She was picking at her blueberry scone, twisting the new engagement ring on her left hand, and got straight to the point: “Jake and I already booked our ski trip this winter and Amalfi Coast next summer. Should I wait to get pregnant until after both of them?” I laughed, because five years ago I was sitting in that exact same booth, asking myself the exact same question.
When Sam and I got married, all anyone asked was when we’d start having kids. We both grew up in households where vacation was a three-day trip to visit my grandma an hour away, or a camping trip where we forgot half the gear and slept in the car. We’d spent our entire 20s working extra shifts, saving every extra dollar for the trips we’d always dreamed of: a 10-day Inca Trail hike, a two-week road trip around Portugal, and a week in that tiny oceanfront cabin in Outer Banks that books out 18 months in advance. We decided we’d check all three off the list, then start trying. No kids, no pregnancy symptoms, just us.
We did the Inca Trail first. I got altitude sickness on day three, Sam carried my pack for the last two miles, and we drank so much coca tea I was buzzing for 48 hours after we hit Machu Picchu. Three months later, we got lost driving through the Algarve in Portugal, missed our Airbnb, and ended up sleeping in the back of our rental car with a bag of stale pasteis de nata between us. That week in Outer Banks, we walked the beach at sunrise every day, ate fried shrimp for dinner every night, and didn’t set an alarm once. It was perfect. Exactly what we wanted.
After that, we stopped using protection and waited. And waited. Six months, then a year, then 18 months. I went through all the tests, the hormone checks, the daily temperature tracking. We ended up doing one round of IUI before I got pregnant with our daughter. By the time she was born, three years had passed since we decided to wait. If we’d started trying right after our wedding, we would have had her three years earlier, and we never would have taken those trips. That’s the part no one talks about when they tell you not to wait.
I’ve had this conversation with three different friends in the last year, so I’ve thought a lot about what I’d tell people now, based on what I went through. The first concrete thing I suggest is go get a 30-minute pre-conception checkup before you lock in your plan. When I was 27, planning my trips, I just assumed I’d get pregnant the first month we tried, same as my mom did with me. I didn’t get any checks done, didn’t ask any questions. It didn’t turn into a disaster for me, but if I’d been a few years older, that three-year wait would have looked a lot different. A quick appointment where you get your hormone levels checked, talk about your family history, takes an hour, and gives you actual information to work with instead of guessing.
Second, if you’re only waiting 6 to 12 months for your two trips, you don’t have to hit pause on all pre-conception prep. I know a lot of people think if they’re waiting to conceive, they can put all that stuff off until after. I didn’t start taking folic acid or adjust my daily caffeine intake until after we got back from our last trip, and I wish I had. You can do the small, steady stuff while you wait, without ruining your vacation fun. You can still have that glass of wine on the Amalfi coast, but starting folic acid early cuts down on risk of neural tube defects once you do conceive, and it’s an easy thing to cross off your list ahead of time.
Third, if you’re waiting more than 18 months, don’t pick a birth control that’s a hassle to stop. If you get an IUD and decide to have it removed in two years, that’s fine, but if you’re only waiting a year, use condoms or a low-dose pill you can just stop taking when you get back. It saves you an extra trip to the doctor and any unnecessary delays once you’re ready to start trying.
I also tell people it’s okay to admit that the vacation you want right now isn’t a vacation with a baby or a pregnancy. I love traveling with my three-year-old. We went to the lake last month, and she chased a flock of geese for an hour and it was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. But it’s not the same as that week in Outer Banks where Sam and I stayed up talking until 1 a.m. and didn’t have to worry about anyone waking up at 6 a.m. ready for breakfast. People will tell you “you can travel with kids!” and that’s true, but it’s not the same trip. It’s okay to want the trip that’s just for you two first.
A week after our coffee meeting, Lila texted me a photo of her pre-conception blood work results, all clear. She’s 29, everything looks good, so she’s sticking to her plan: ski trip this winter, Amalfi next summer, start trying after. I texted her back to eat all the apres-ski fries for me. I don’t have a one-size-fits-all answer. Some of my friends started trying right away, had trouble conceiving, and ended up waiting five years for that big trip anyway, and they regret it. Others went for it, had their baby first, and don’t care that they never got that Amalfi trip. For me, waiting was worth it. I have those blurry, perfect photos on my fridge, memories that are just mine and Sam’s, and I wouldn’t trade them. If I had to do it over, I’d just book that pre-conception appointment a little earlier. That’s all.
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