Why Your Teen Might Ask “Do People Really Find Life Worth Living?” And What To Do Next
I was folding mismatched soccer socks at the kitchen table last Tuesday, my 16-year-old son Javi slouched across from me picking at cold leftover mac and cheese, half-scrolling TikTok. The fan above the sink hummed, our golden retriever snored on the mat by the back door, it was just another ordinary weeknight. Then Javi looked up from his phone, blinked, and asked, “Do people actually find life worth living, anyway?”
I froze, my hand mid-fold on a neon green sock. My first instinct was to blurt out the generic line: Of course, honey, what a silly question! Then I remembered when I was 16, I asked my mom the exact same thing after a long day of school stress and a messy first break-up. She panicked, called my school counselor the next morning, and made me sit through an awkward check-in that left me so embarrassed I never brought up any messy, confusing questions again. So I set the sock down, pushed the bowl of loose rubber bands I’d been meaning to put away to the side, and said, “That’s a really good question. First, I want to check: this is just thinking out loud, right? You’re not feeling like you want to hurt yourself?”
Javi rolled his eyes a little, which was the answer I needed. “No, I’m fine. I was just watching this video where this 37-year-old talked about how he works 50 hours a week just to pay his mortgage and his kid’s daycare, and he can’t remember the last time he did something he actually enjoyed. It got me thinking, everyone just says life is great, but is it actually?”
He went on to list what he’d observed: all the adults he knows complain about their jobs, their back pain, their bills. Influencers post perfect vacations and promotions online, but they’re always talking about burnout behind the scenes. His AP Bio teacher complained last week about how he can’t afford to send his own kid to the college he teaches at. It all looks like one big slog after high school, and he’s tired of everyone pretending it’s not. I nodded, because he’s not wrong.
I hear this question all the time as a high school substitute teacher, and I’ve learned it’s not always an automatic sign of depression or crisis. Of course, if your kid asks this constantly and has pulled away from everything they used to love, it’s absolutely worth reaching out to a professional. More often than not, though, it’s just the work of being a teenager. They’re finally old enough to see past the stories we told them as kids: work hard, graduate, get a good job, build a family, and you’ll be happy. Then they peek behind the curtain and see that most adults are just winging it, tired more often than not, and wonder the same thing sometimes. That’s not a failure of their mental health, that’s growth. They’re learning to think for themselves, to question what they’ve been told, and that’s a good thing, even when it’s uncomfortable to hear.
I didn’t give Javi a big speech. I didn’t tell him he was wrong, or that life is actually a beautiful adventure. I just told him the first true thing that came to my head. “Yesterday I spent 45 minutes on hold with the health insurance company yelling at a robot because they messed up our ER bill from when you had that concussion last fall. By the time I got off the phone, I was so mad I was shaking. I wanted to just get in bed and pull the covers over my head and not get up. But then I had to walk the dog, and our neighbor’s hydrangeas were blooming right by the sidewalk, and they smelled so good I just stood there for five minutes smelling them. That wasn’t big or exciting, and the rest of my day was still garbage, but that five minutes was worth it. I don’t think anyone feels like life is worth it 100% of the time. Some days there’s just one small thing that gets you through. Some days there’s nothing, and you just get through it waiting for the next small thing.”
Javi thought about that, pushed his congealed mac around the plate, and said, “Okay, when I finish a hard run after practice, and I sit on the bleachers and drink a cold blue Gatorade that’s been sitting in the cooler? That’s pretty good. And when me and my cousin play Zelda online on Friday nights and he makes me laugh so hard I snort? That’s good too.” I nodded, and that was it. He grabbed his phone and went back to his room to finish his homework. The dog woke up and begged for a bite of mac, I gave him a crumb.
What I’ve learned from these moments, both with my own kid and with the teens I work with at school, is that the worst thing you can do is either dismiss the question or turn it into a big emergency. Most kids don’t want a polished answer. They want to know it’s okay to ask the question. The steps that work are simple, no fancy tools required: first, do that quick safety check. It’s just one straightforward sentence, and it covers the base without panicking if it’s just a question. Second, don’t rush to fix it. Saying “that’s a really good question” takes three seconds and validates what they’re feeling instead of shutting it down. Third, don’t lie and pretend your life is perfect. Teens can spot that lie from a mile away. Share one small, messy, true thing from your own recent experience, not a highlight from your last vacation. Fourth, ask them to name their own small things, don’t just list yours for them. They’re the ones who have to build their own answer, after all.
A week later, Javi hasn’t brought the question up again. I don’t expect him to figure it out at 16, anyway. I’m 44 and I still have days where I wonder the same thing. Last night he stumbled into the kitchen after finishing his homework, pulled out the pancake mix, and made us a batch for a late snack. They were burnt around the edges, and he put too many chocolate chips in them, but we sat at the table and ate them while the dog begged for crumbs. It wasn’t a big, grand moment that proved life is worth living. It was just a small, good thing. That’s enough, for now.
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