My 18-month-old screams through hair wash and I’m out of tricks, help
I’m sitting here drinking a coffee that went cold an hour ago, and my bathroom floor is still damp from the whole disaster that was hair wash 20 minutes ago. My 18-month-old Mia is currently passed out on the couch clutching her favorite stuffed rabbit, so I finally have two seconds to type this and beg for whatever random tricks you guys have that I haven’t tried yet. I thought I had this whole baby thing mostly figured out, more or less— I got the sleep thing sorted, I can get her to eat more than just crackers half the time, I even stopped panicking when she tries to climb the bookshelf. But hair washing? It’s my kryptonite.
I bought that damn dinosaur visor everyone in my mom group swears by last week. You know the one, it curves around the forehead to keep water out of eyes. I was so excited when it came in the mail, I showed it to Mia that morning and let her wear it around the house while she ate bananas, she thought it was a funny hat. Everything was going great. Bath time came, I got her in the tub, got the visor on, got her duckies all lined up, and as soon as I poured the first cup of water over the back of her head? She screamed so loud my neighbor texted me 20 minutes later asking if we were okay. I swear she turned purple. She clawed the visor off and threw it at my face, then clung to the edge of the tub like I was trying to drown her. I gave up halfway, just rinsed what I could, got her out, and spent 10 minutes mopping water off the floor while she ate a post-bath cookie to calm down.
I’ve tried everything I can think of, honestly. I switched shampoo last month, thinking maybe the old one stung even though it says it’s tear-free. New shampoo, same result. Tried letting her hold the cup and pour water all over my head first. She thought that was the best game ever, giggled for five minutes straight. As soon as I turned it around to pour even a drop on her bangs? Full body panic, I had a purple bruise on my neck for two days from how tight she squeezed. Tried washing her hair while she was asleep, that trick I saw floating around online. She was knocked out after a two hour walk at the park, I carried her gently into the bathroom, leaned her back over the sink like the tutorial said, got her hair wet, and she woke up screaming so hard she threw up all over my favorite sweatshirt and the bathroom cabinet. Never doing that again. Tried bringing in the tablet to play her favorite cartoon while I do it. She was too busy crying to even look at it. Tried skipping a day? Fine until she gets that sticky dried yogurt in her bangs or sand from the playground crusted in the back, and I can’t put it off anymore.
Weirdest thing that happened was last week at my sister’s place. We went over for dinner, Mia got chocolate ice cream all in her hair, so my sister offered to do the bath while I cleaned up the kitchen. I stood in the doorway watching, waiting for the screaming, and… nothing. She just got her in the tub, wet her hair quick, squirted the same shampoo I use, rinsed it, done. Mia just stared at her the whole time, no crying, no clinging. I was so confused. Why her and not me? My sister said she just didn’t make a big deal out of it, didn’t keep saying “it’s okay baby it won’t hurt” the whole time. I do that, right? I’m already tense before I even start, my shoulders are up by my ears, I’m already bracing for the scream. I think she can feel that. She knows I’m expecting her to be scared, so she’s scared. But how do I stop tensing up? I know what’s coming, it’s hard to pretend it’s no big deal when it’s been a disaster 9 out of 10 times.
Some people tell me just let her cry, she needs to get used to it, it’s not going to hurt her. But that makes my chest hurt so bad. I hate that she looks at me like I’m hurting her on purpose. Other people tell me take it slow, play in the tub for half an hour, let her get used to water on her head little by little. I did that, we played for 25 minutes last week, she was splashing all over, got water in her face a dozen times and laughed. As soon as I grabbed the cup to wash her hair? Scream city. It’s like she knows the difference between playing and hair wash. It’s the weirdest thing, too— she loves the pool. She’ll run right into the waves at the lake, splash water all over her own face, doesn’t even blink when it gets in her eyes. It’s only when I’m trying to wash her hair. That’s the only time. I can’t wrap my head around it.
After every single hair wash, she’s fine in five minutes. She’s wrapped up in her hooded towel, running around the living room begging for goldfish, like the whole thing never happened. But I’m drained. My partner works late most nights, so it’s just me handling it. Last night after I got her dressed and read her a book, I sat on the bathroom floor for ten minutes just eating the goldfish she left in her towel pocket, because I couldn’t summon the energy to put the shampoo away or hang up the bath mat. It’s such a small thing, right? Just washing a kid’s hair. But it feels like this huge battle every single time.
I don’t know. I’m sure she’ll outgrow it eventually, my mom says I was exactly the same way and now I take showers for 20 minutes every day just because I like the hot water. But eventually feels really far away when you’re standing there soaked to the elbows every other night. If you’ve been here, if you figured out some dumb little trick that no one talks about that actually worked, can you tell me? I’ll try anything at this point. Even the dumb stuff that sounds like it won’t work. I’ve tried all the obvious things, and I’m just out of ideas. (Word count: 1172)
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