Is Anyone Else in the “Why Is Parenting Like THIS?” Season? Navigating the Exhausting Phases
You know the feeling. It creeps in slowly, or maybe it slams into you like a rogue sippy cup hurled across the room. It’s that bone-deep exhaustion mixed with bewilderment, punctuated by moments where you just stare blankly at the chaos unfolding around you and think, “Seriously? Why is parenting like this right now?” If you’re nodding along, breathing a sigh of relief that someone finally said it out loud, welcome. You are absolutely, positively not alone. You’re firmly planted in one of parenting’s infamous “seasons.”
These seasons aren’t marked on any calendar. They don’t arrive with predictable weather patterns. One day, things feel manageable, even joyful. Then, seemingly overnight, the terrain shifts. Maybe it’s the sudden, fierce independence of a toddler who screams “NO!” to every reasonable request (and every unreasonable one too). Perhaps it’s the sleep regression that has you functioning like a zombie after weeks of decent rest. It could be the endless sibling squabbles, the homework battles that feel like trench warfare, the teenage mood swings that leave you walking on eggshells, or just the sheer, relentless volume of needs, demands, and messes that never seem to end.
So, Why DOES Parenting Feel Like This Sometimes?
1. The Gap Between Expectation and Reality: We absorb images of serene parents and giggling children from ads, movies, and curated social media feeds. We imagine bonding moments and teachable instances. The reality? Parenting is often messy, loud, illogical, and incredibly repetitive. That gap, between the polished fantasy and the sticky, noisy, emotionally charged reality, creates intense friction. When your child melts down because their banana broke, or refuses to wear perfectly good shoes for reasons known only to them, the dissonance between expectation (“I should be calmly teaching them resilience”) and reality (“I just want to crawl back into bed”) hits hard. This is part of the “why.”
2. Development is Messy (and Loud!): Kids aren’t static. Their brains and bodies are growing at warp speed, processing the world, learning boundaries, testing limits, and experiencing emotions with an intensity adults often forget. That tantrum in the cereal aisle? It’s not (usually) about the cereal; it’s about a tiny human grappling with frustration, fatigue, or the overwhelming sensory overload of fluorescent lights and too many choices. The teenage door-slamming? It’s often a clumsy expression of burgeoning independence, confusion, or hormones running wild. Their necessary, healthy development looks chaotic and feels exhausting to navigate. This is why parenting feels like this.
3. The Weight of Constant Responsibility: Unlike almost any other role, parenting rarely clocks out. Even when you’re physically away, part of your brain is tuned into the monitor, the schedule, the potential crisis. This relentless responsibility, the knowledge that you are ultimately the safe harbor, the problem-solver, the emotional regulator (even when yours are frayed), is a heavy, invisible load. It accumulates, leading to that “why is this so hard?” feeling even during relatively calm moments. The sheer constancy is a major factor in the season.
4. The Modern Parenting Pressure Cooker: Today’s parents often face unprecedented pressures: striving to be perfectly attuned, constantly enriching their child’s development, managing packed schedules, navigating digital worlds we didn’t grow up with, often while balancing careers and household management. The bar feels impossibly high, and the fear of “getting it wrong” can be paralyzing. This self-imposed (and societally reinforced) pressure amplifies the inherent challenges, making the difficult seasons feel even more overwhelming. It adds a layer of “should” (“I should be handling this better”) to the already complex “is.”
5. The Loss of Self (Temporarily): Before children, your time, energy, and identity were largely your own. Parenting necessitates a profound shift. Hobbies fade, careers may pause or reshape, friendships change, and sleep becomes a distant memory. This necessary, yet often painful, erosion of your former self can lead to grief and resentment bubbling up during the toughest seasons. Wondering “why is parenting like this?” can sometimes really be asking, “Where did I go?”
Surviving (and Maybe Even Thriving) in the Season:
So, you’re in it. The “why is parenting like this?” season is upon you. What now?
Acknowledge It and Validate Yourself: The most crucial step? Stop fighting the feeling. Say it out loud: “This season is brutal.” Give yourself permission to find it hard. Your feelings are valid. Denial or toxic positivity (“But I should be grateful!”) only adds guilt to the exhaustion.
Lower the Bar (Radically): Seriously. Forget Pinterest-perfect activities and gourmet meals. Focus on survival basics: fed, safe, reasonably clean. Paper plates are fine. Screen time isn’t the enemy when you’re drowning. Embrace the “good enough” parent. Your sanity is more important than spotless baseboards.
Find Your Village (Even a Tiny One): You are not meant to do this alone. Reach out. Text a friend who gets it. Join an online community (anonymously vent if needed!). Ask for specific help: “Can you watch the kids for an hour while I nap/shower/scream into a pillow?” Connection is oxygen.
Look for Tiny Pockets of Joy (or Just Less Suck): Don’t force gratitude for the big stuff. Instead, notice the microscopic wins: the five minutes of quiet, the lukewarm coffee you actually drank, the single bite of vegetable consumed without protest. Sometimes, “less awful” is the win.
Remember: Seasons Change: This is the golden rule. No season lasts forever. The sleepless newborn phase ends. The tantrum-throwing toddler grows. The defiant teenager eventually moves out (mostly kidding… mostly). The intense “why is parenting like this?” feeling is tied to a specific developmental stage or cluster of challenges. It will shift. Hold onto that knowledge, even if it feels distant.
Prioritize Micro-Rest: You can’t pour from an empty cup. Forget grand spa days. Snatch moments: 5 minutes of deep breathing, a solo walk around the block, locking the bathroom door for a long shower. Protect these slivers of time fiercely. Every little bit helps refuel you.
Being deep in the “why is parenting like this?” season is incredibly hard. It’s confusing, exhausting, and can feel isolating. But please hear this: your struggle doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re human, navigating one of the most complex, demanding, and ultimately transformative journeys there is. This season, with its unique blend of chaos and weariness, is simply part of the landscape. Acknowledge its difficulty, lower your expectations, seek support, find the tiniest glimmers, and cling to the certainty that seasons, by their very nature, turn. You will find your way through. And chances are, somewhere out there, another parent is looking around at their own chaos, sighing, and silently asking the universe the very same question: “Is anyone else in the ‘why is parenting like this?’ season?” You are seen. You are understood. Hang in there.
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