Why “Just Get an Evaluation” Can Backfire When Parents Express Concerns
Imagine this common scenario: A parent sits down with a teacher, doctor, or friend. Their voice is laced with worry as they share observations about their child – maybe struggles with reading that seem beyond typical bumps, intense emotional reactions that disrupt the family, or a sense that development just isn’t clicking along expected lines. The concerned listener, wanting to help, often offers what seems like the most logical, action-oriented advice: “You should just get a full evaluation.”
On the surface, it sounds responsible, even essential. After all, evaluations are the gateway to services, diagnoses, and support, right? Absolutely. But here’s the crucial, often overlooked point: Suggesting a full-blown evaluation as the very first step is frequently the worst possible way to support a worried parent. It can unintentionally create more stress, confusion, and even delay the very help the child needs.
Let’s break down why this well-intentioned advice often misses the mark:
1. The “Full Evaluation” Isn’t One Thing – It’s a Maze: When professionals say “get an evaluation,” they might picture a specific, streamlined process in their field. For a parent hearing this, especially one already feeling overwhelmed, it sounds like a single, definable task. The reality? It’s a labyrinth. Does it mean:
A school-based evaluation for special education eligibility?
A private neuropsychological assessment?
A medical evaluation with a developmental pediatrician or neurologist?
Speech/Language, Occupational Therapy, or Physical Therapy screenings?
A combination of several? And in what order?
Throwing parents into this complex, jargon-filled system without a roadmap is like dropping someone in a foreign city and saying, “Find the best restaurant!” without a map, guidebook, or language skills. The sheer ambiguity is paralyzing.
2. It Overwhelms When Parents Need Anchors: Parents expressing concerns are often in a state of vulnerability. They might be grappling with guilt (“Is it my fault?”), fear (“What does this mean for their future?”), and exhaustion from managing daily challenges. Telling them to immediately pursue a complex, potentially expensive, and time-consuming evaluation adds a massive logistical and emotional burden onto an already heavy load. It feels less like help and more like another impossible mountain to climb.
3. It Skips Crucial Triage and Information Gathering: Jumping straight to a full evaluation often bypasses vital preliminary steps:
Understanding the Specific Concerns: What exactly are the worries? Difficulty sounding out words? Extreme social anxiety? Sensory meltdowns at the grocery store? The nature of the concern dictates which evaluation pathway is most appropriate.
Observing and Documenting: Before investing in costly evals, encouraging simple observation and documentation (e.g., “Keep a quick log of when the meltdowns happen and what seems to trigger them”) can provide crucial context for professionals later and help parents feel more grounded.
Exploring Less Intensive First Steps: Are there classroom strategies, parenting techniques, or community resources to try first? Sometimes, targeted interventions at this level can resolve concerns or provide clearer evidence that a deeper evaluation is indeed necessary.
4. It Can Lead to Misdiagnosis or Missed Opportunities: Pursuing the wrong evaluation first wastes precious time and resources. A child struggling with undiagnosed ADHD might be referred for an autism evaluation because their impulsivity is misinterpreted. A child with a language processing disorder might be sent for a behavioral assessment due to frustration-related outbursts. Without initial guidance on where to look based on specific concerns, parents risk chasing answers down unproductive paths while the child’s core needs remain unmet.
5. Cost and Access are Real Barriers: Let’s be realistic: comprehensive private evaluations can cost thousands of dollars and have long waitlists (often months or even years). School evaluations have specific legal timelines but also bureaucratic hurdles. Telling a parent to “just get an evaluation” without acknowledging these significant financial and systemic barriers can feel dismissive and set them up for immediate failure or profound stress about affording necessary steps.
So, What Should We Say Instead? (A Better First Step)
The goal isn’t to discourage evaluations, but to ensure they are pursued effectively and supportively when they are truly the next best step. Here’s how to offer genuinely helpful first responses:
1. Listen Deeply and Validate: Before offering solutions, truly hear the parent. “That sounds really tough,” “I can understand why you’re worried,” or “Tell me more about what you’re seeing” are powerful starting points. Validation reduces the parent’s isolation and anxiety.
2. Ask Clarifying Questions (Gently): Help them (and you) pinpoint the core issues. “When you say ‘struggling with reading,’ what does that look like?” “Can you describe a time when the anxiety was really intense?” “How long have you noticed these difficulties?” This focuses the concern.
3. Offer Simple Observation Strategies: Instead of an eval, suggest: “Would it help to jot down specific examples over the next week or two? Like what happened just before a meltdown, or what words they consistently stumble on?” This empowers parents and provides concrete data.
4. Explain the Landscape (Briefly): Demystify the options. “There are different paths depending on the concern. Sometimes starting with a conversation with the pediatrician or the school teacher is helpful. They might suggest next steps, which could include different types of evaluations later if needed.” Frame evaluations as potential tools, not the only starting gate.
5. Suggest Concrete, Manageable First Contacts: Offer specific, low-barrier actions:
“Have you shared these specific observations with your child’s teacher? Setting up a meeting might be a good first step to see what they notice in class.”
“Your pediatrician is a great resource; bringing your notes to the next check-up could help them guide you.”
“There’s a local parent support group; talking to others who’ve been through similar things can be incredibly helpful and less overwhelming.”
6. Offer Support in Navigating (If Appropriate): “Would it help if I look up some information about who to talk to at the school?” or “I know a great pediatrician specializing in developmental concerns, would you like their contact?” Offer practical help, not just directives.
7. Normalize the Process: Reassure them that seeking answers is a journey, not a single leap. “Figuring this out takes time and often involves a few steps. It’s okay to take it one piece at a time.”
The Bottom Line
Telling a worried parent to “just get a full evaluation” is like telling someone lost in the woods to “just find the way out.” It ignores the complexity of the terrain, the emotional state of the traveler, and the need for a compass or a guide. While comprehensive evaluations are vital tools at the right time, presenting them as the mandatory first response often increases parental burden and confusion, potentially delaying effective support.
True support starts with empathy, listening, and helping parents take small, informed, and manageable first steps. By shifting our response from a directive to a collaborative exploration of concerns and options, we empower parents to navigate the path towards understanding and supporting their child with greater confidence and clarity. That’s the foundation upon which effective evaluations, and ultimately, the right help, can be built.
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