That Sinking Feeling: When Midterms Feel Impossible & What To Do Instead
That knot in your stomach. The racing thoughts. The sheer dread staring at the midterm paper or login screen. You’re overwhelmed, burnt out, maybe dealing with something heavy outside of class, and the idea of just… refusing to take the exam feels like the only escape hatch. You might even be wondering: AITAH (Am I The Ahole) for refusing to do my midterm exam?
It’s a desperate question born from a desperate feeling. Let’s unpack it – because while refusing outright usually isn’t the best or fairest path, understanding why it feels tempting and knowing your real alternatives is crucial.
Why Refusal Feels Like the Only Option
First, take a breath. That urge to simply say “no” doesn’t make you a terrible person. It often stems from intense pressure and perceived lack of control. Consider what might be fueling it:
1. Overwhelming Stress or Burnout: You’re drowning. The workload feels impossible, sleep is a memory, and your brain feels like mush. The exam isn’t just a test; it feels like the final straw threatening to break you.
2. Unexpected Personal Crisis: Life throws curveballs – a family emergency, sudden illness (yours or a loved one), severe mental health struggles, housing instability, or financial disaster. Focusing on Shakespeare or calculus feels trivial, if not impossible.
3. Feeling Hopelessly Unprepared: Maybe you fell behind early, didn’t grasp the material, or life got in the way of studying. Walking into an exam you know you’ll fail feels like public humiliation or a guaranteed GPA deathblow. Why bother?
4. A Point of Principle (Perceived Injustice): Less common, but sometimes students feel an exam is unfair, poorly designed, or based on material not covered. Refusal might feel like a protest.
The Reality Check: Why “Just Refusing” is Usually an AITAH Situation
While your feelings are valid, refusing outright often does veer into AITAH territory. Here’s why:
It Disregards Academic Contracts: Enrolling in a course implies an agreement to meet its requirements, including assessments. Refusing the midterm fundamentally breaks that agreement without discussion.
It Impacts Others: Your professor designed the course structure, including that exam, for a reason. Your refusal creates an administrative headache and potentially forces them to make special, often unfair, considerations later. It can also subtly shift the curve or expectations for classmates.
It Closes Doors Abruptly: Most universities have strict policies. Refusal often translates to an automatic zero, which can instantly torpedo your grade, put you on academic probation, or even lead to failing the course outright. It eliminates pathways to recovery within the system.
It Avoids Responsibility: While external factors are real and significant, refusing is often a passive act that doesn’t address the root problem. It might feel like taking control, but it actually relinquishes control over the outcome entirely to the institution’s default policies.
So, You Feel Trapped. What CAN You Do? (The Non-AITAH Alternatives)
Refusing feels final, but it’s rarely your only option. Proactive communication and understanding policies are your lifelines:
1. Communicate IMMEDIATELY (Before the Exam!): This is the single most important step. Don’t wait until the exam starts or after you miss it.
Contact Your Professor: Send a concise, professional email ASAP. State clearly that you are facing significant difficulty that prevents you from taking the midterm as scheduled. You DON’T need to disclose deeply personal details initially. Example: “Professor [Name], I’m writing to inform you that due to an unforeseen personal emergency [or ‘severe personal circumstances’], I am unable to take the scheduled midterm exam for [Course Name] on [Date]. I understand this is a crucial assessment and I’m deeply concerned about the impact. Could we please discuss potential options available to me?”
Consult Your Syllabus & Academic Advisor: What’s the official late/missed exam policy? Does the professor offer make-ups? Is an Incomplete (‘I’ grade) possible? Your advisor knows institutional policies and can guide you.
2. Explore Formal Accommodations:
Official Extensions/Deferrals: Many universities require formal requests (often through a Dean of Students office or similar) for deferred exams, especially with documentation (doctor’s note, counselor’s letter, police report, etc.). This is vastly preferable to refusal, as it authorizes a later attempt.
Incomplete Grade (‘I’): If you’ve completed most coursework satisfactorily but a major component (like the midterm) is missing due to verifiable emergencies, you might qualify for an ‘I’. This gives you extra time (often a semester) to complete the missing work without penalty. This requires negotiation and approval from the professor.
Withdrawal: If the situation is catastrophic and ongoing, withdrawing from the course (check deadlines!) might be a better strategic choice than failing outright due to a missed exam. A ‘W’ usually doesn’t impact GPA, though it stays on your transcript and might affect financial aid.
3. Seek Support Systems:
University Counseling Services: If mental health is the barrier, contact them immediately. They can provide support and often crucial documentation.
Academic Support/Tutoring: If feeling unprepared was the trigger, seek help now. Even if you get a deferral, you’ll need to face the material eventually.
Dean of Students Office: This office exists to help students navigate difficult personal circumstances impacting academics. They can advocate for you and explain policy options.
4. Consider Taking It Anyway (Even if Unprepared): This might sound counterintuitive, but often, a partial attempt is better than a zero. You might surprise yourself, salvage some points, and demonstrate good faith effort to your professor, making them more open to discussing alternatives afterward. A 50% is usually better than a 0%.
The Verdict: AITAH?
In most standard scenarios, refusing outright without prior communication or exhausting other options leans towards “Yes, YTA.” It disregards the academic structure, unfairly burdens the professor, and usually harms you most of all by closing off potential solutions.
However, context is everything. If you experienced a truly sudden, catastrophic emergency moments before the exam (e.g., a car accident, being rushed to the ER), communication might be impossible, and refusal isn’t a conscious choice but a consequence. In these rare cases, most reasonable people would understand that getting in touch as soon as physically possible is the priority, and you wouldn’t be considered TA.
The Bottom Line: Don’t Refuse, Communicate
Feeling like refusing your midterm is a sign you’re in deep distress. Acknowledge that distress – it’s real. But channel that energy into reaching out for help before the exam deadline passes. Talk to your professor, contact support services, understand your options. Taking proactive steps, even when scared, demonstrates responsibility and significantly increases your chances of finding a solution that doesn’t involve academic self-sabotage or putting you in genuine AITAH territory. Your future self, your GPA, and your professors will thank you.
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