The Unspoken Truth About Life’s Challenges: Why We All Feel This Way
You scroll through Instagram and see your college classmate posting about their “effortless” promotion. A friend casually mentions they’ve “nailed” parenting while juggling a side hustle. Your coworker shrugs off a tight deadline with, “It’s no big deal—just manage your time better!” Meanwhile, you’re over here questioning whether brushing your teeth twice a day counts as a productivity win.
Sound familiar?
Let’s cut through the noise: No, not everyone finds life easy—and yes, many people are absolutely pretending it is. The real question isn’t “Am I struggling more than others?” but “Why does everyone act like they’ve got it all figured out?”
The Myth of Effortlessness
Modern culture loves a “natural.” We glorify overnight successes, “genius” ideas, and people who make hard things look simple. But dig deeper, and you’ll find most “effortless” stories are missing key details. That entrepreneur who “accidentally” built a million-dollar business? They probably skipped meals, maxed out credit cards, and cried in their car between investor meetings. The parent who “just knows” how to soothe a screaming toddler? They’ve likely endured countless sleepless nights and moments of doubt.
Psychologists call this the “duck syndrome”—calm on the surface, paddling furiously underwater. Social media amplifies this illusion, turning life into a highlight reel. We compare our blooper reels to everyone else’s curated clips and wonder, “Why am I the only one drowning?”
Why We Pretend It’s Easy
1. Fear of Judgment
Admitting struggle feels risky. Will people think we’re incompetent? Weak? In a world that equates productivity with worth, vulnerability can feel like professional or social suicide. So we default to “I’ve got this!”—even when we don’t.
2. The Comparison Trap
When everyone around you claims to be acing life, confessing your struggles can feel like admitting defeat. Researcher Brené Brown notes that shame thrives in silence. The less we talk about our real challenges, the more isolated we feel—and the harder it becomes to ask for help.
3. Misunderstanding “Easy”
Sometimes, things do get easier with practice… but we forget to mention the messy middle. A pianist performing a flawless concerto doesn’t dwell on their decade of daily scales. A CEO giving a TED Talk skips over their early career blunders. What looks “easy” is often compounded effort disguised as simplicity.
So, Are You Actually Struggling More Than Others?
Maybe. But probably not in the way you think.
Two truths:
– Life isn’t standardized. Your challenges are shaped by unique factors: health, finances, upbringing, neurodivergence, systemic barriers. Comparing your Chapter 3 to someone else’s Chapter 12 is unfair—to you.
– Struggle isn’t failure. Difficulty often signals growth. Learning a language? Awkward at first. Healing from trauma? Messy. Building a career? Full of false starts. As writer James Clear puts it, “The cost of excellence is paid upfront; the reward comes later.”
The Liberating Power of “This Is Hard”
I once asked a therapist, “Why does everything feel so much harder for me?” Their response changed everything: “What if it’s not harder? What if you’re just honest about how hard it is?”
Acknowledging difficulty does three radical things:
1. Reduces shame: Saying “This sucks” out loud often reveals others feel the same.
2. Unlocks solutions: You can’t fix a problem you’re pretending doesn’t exist.
3. Builds resilience: Accepting that some seasons are tough helps you persevere without self-blame.
How to Navigate a World That Pretends Everything’s Fine
1. Audit Your Inputs
Unfollow accounts that make you feel inadequate. Seek voices that normalize struggle (Hint: Follow humans who post “before and during” instead of just “after” transformations).
2. Rewire Your Self-Talk
Swap “Why is this so hard for me?” with “What support do I need to handle this challenge?”
3. Find Your “Me Too” People
Vulnerability is contagious. When you admit, “I’m overwhelmed,” others often exhale and say, “Same.” My friend group now starts Zoom calls with “Here’s what’s kicking my butt this week”—it’s bonding, not complaining.
4. Redefine “Easy”
Instead of idolizing effortlessness, admire perseverance. That friend who’s great at boundaries? They probably practiced saying “no” 100 awkward times. The colleague who delivers calm presentations? They might’ve bombed (and learned from) dozens of speeches.
The Bottom Line
Life isn’t a competition to see who can pretend the hardest. Behind most “I’ve got this!” smiles are knots of anxiety, unanswered texts, and Google searches like “Is this normal??”
So here’s your permission slip: It’s okay if things feel hard. It’s okay if you need help. It’s okay if your progress looks nothing like the Instagram version.
The bravest thing you can do isn’t pretending it’s easy—it’s showing up anyway, struggle and all. And trust me: More people relate to that than you’ll ever know.
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