Was That the Right Thing to Do? The Art of Self-Reflection in Daily Choices
We’ve all been there. After making a decision—big or small—a nagging voice creeps in: Was that the right thing to do? Whether it’s choosing a career path, confronting a friend, or even reacting to a stranger’s comment, the question of “rightness” haunts us. But how do we determine whether our actions align with our values, goals, or societal expectations? Let’s explore why this question matters and how to navigate it constructively.
Why We Question Our Actions
Humans are wired to seek validation. From childhood, we’re taught to follow rules, meet expectations, and avoid mistakes. This conditioning often leads to overthinking past decisions. Did I hurt someone unintentionally? Did I compromise my integrity for convenience? These doubts aren’t inherently bad—they signal self-awareness. However, obsessing over them can paralyze growth.
Consider a student who copies homework to meet a deadline. In the moment, survival instincts kick in: I need to pass this class. Later, guilt sets in: Was this fair to others? Did I cheat myself? The conflict here isn’t just about ethics; it’s about balancing immediate needs with long-term values.
The Role of Ethics in Decision-Making
Ethics provide a framework for evaluating actions, but they’re rarely black-and-white. For example, lying to protect someone’s feelings might feel wrong in principle but compassionate in context. Philosophers like Kant argued for rigid moral rules (“Never lie”), while utilitarians prioritize outcomes (“What causes the least harm?”). In reality, most decisions fall somewhere in between.
A helpful exercise is to ask:
1. What were my intentions? Were they self-serving or aimed at helping others?
2. What were the consequences? Did my action cause unintended harm?
3. Would I advise someone else to do the same? Detaching emotionally can reveal biases.
A teacher once shared how she struggled with grading leniently during a student’s family crisis. Her intention was kindness, but it raised concerns about fairness. Reflecting later, she realized consistency mattered more—but also introduced flexible deadlines for exceptional cases. This balance honored both empathy and equity.
Learning from Mistakes Without Self-Punishment
Mistakes are inevitable. What defines us isn’t perfection but how we respond. Imagine a manager who publicly criticizes a team member, then regrets it. The action may have damaged trust, but dwelling on guilt won’t fix it. Instead, acknowledging the error, apologizing, and changing behavior demonstrates maturity.
Psychologist Carol Dweck’s “growth mindset” theory applies here: Viewing missteps as learning opportunities fosters resilience. For instance, after a failed project, instead of asking, Was my approach wrong? ask, What did this teach me about planning or communication?
The Influence of External Opinions
We often judge our actions based on others’ reactions. If a friend says, “You were too harsh,” or a colleague comments, “That was brave,” their feedback shapes our self-assessment. But external validation is a double-edged sword. While constructive criticism helps, relying solely on others’ opinions can cloud judgment.
A young professional once agonized over turning down a promotion to care for a sick parent. Colleagues called it “unambitious,” but family praised her “selflessness.” Ultimately, she realized her decision aligned with her priorities—health and relationships over career—and stopped seeking universal approval.
Tools for Healthier Self-Reflection
1. Journaling: Write down the situation, your feelings, and alternative choices. Over time, patterns emerge. Did you act out of fear? Pride? Love?
2. The 10-10-10 Rule: Ask how the decision will matter in 10 days, 10 months, and 10 years. Many anxieties shrink with this perspective.
3. Mindfulness Practices: Meditation or grounding techniques help detach from emotional spirals and see situations objectively.
For example, a parent who yells at their child might journal: I was stressed from work and took it out on them. Next time, I’ll take a breath before reacting. This shifts focus from shame to problem-solving.
When “Right” Depends on Context
Cultural, generational, and situational factors heavily influence what’s deemed “right.” A conservative community might disapprove of a lifestyle choice that’s celebrated elsewhere. Similarly, wartime decisions (like withholding information for safety) differ from everyday honesty.
A nurse working in a pandemic shared how she hid her job from neighbors to avoid stigma. While secrecy felt dishonest, protecting her family’s mental health took precedence. Contextual morality recognizes that rigid rules don’t always serve human complexity.
Embracing Uncertainty
The quest for “rightness” assumes there’s one correct answer. But life is messy. Two equally principled people might choose differently based on their experiences. A vegan might see eating meat as unethical, while a farmer views it as sustaining livelihoods. Both perspectives hold truth.
Instead of fixating on absolutes, focus on alignment: Do my actions reflect my current values? As we grow, our definitions of “right” evolve. What felt correct at 20 may not at 40—and that’s okay.
Final Thoughts
Asking Was that the right thing to do? is a sign of empathy and critical thinking. But don’t let it trap you in regret. Use it as a starting point for growth, not self-condemnation. Every choice teaches something—about others, the world, and yourself.
Next time doubt arises, pause. Breathe. Reflect. Then, whether the answer is yes, no, or “I’m not sure yet,” move forward with kindness—for others and yourself. After all, being human means navigating shades of gray, one thoughtful step at a time.
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