When Plans Collide With Parenthood: Navigating Friendship Frustrations
We’ve all been there: waiting at a café, glancing at the clock, wondering if your friend forgot about your lunch date. But what happens when their reason for being 90 minutes late isn’t traffic or a work emergency—it’s their toddler’s nap schedule? Is it fair to feel annoyed, or does parenthood grant a free pass for chronic lateness? Let’s unpack this relatable dilemma.
The Situation: A Nap vs. Plans
Imagine this: You’ve coordinated schedules weeks in advance to meet a close friend for coffee. You arrive on time, order your drink, and settle in. Thirty minutes pass. Then an hour. Finally, 90 minutes later, your friend rushes in, apologizing profusely. Her explanation? She didn’t want to wake her 2.5-year-old from a nap.
On one hand, you empathize. Toddlers thrive on routine, and disrupting sleep can lead to meltdowns that derail the entire day. On the other, you’re frustrated. Your time matters, too. Was your commitment undervalued? Are you the jerk (AITAH) for feeling this way?
Why Annoyance Is Valid (But So Is Her Perspective)
Let’s start by acknowledging two truths:
1. Your feelings are reasonable. Being consistently late sends a message—intentional or not—that your time isn’t respected. A 90-minute delay isn’t a minor hiccup; it’s a significant chunk of your day. You rearranged your schedule, prioritized this meetup, and likely sacrificed other opportunities to be there. Feeling overlooked is natural.
2. Parenting young kids is relentless. Toddlers operate on their own timelines. A skipped nap could mean hours of fussiness, making it harder for your friend to enjoy your outing—or even leave the house at all. For parents, choosing between a sleeping child and punctuality often feels like a lose-lose scenario.
The friction here isn’t about right vs. wrong. It’s about mismatched priorities and communication gaps.
Where Things Break Down
The real issue isn’t the nap itself—it’s how the situation was handled. Did your friend communicate proactively? A text saying, “Running late—toddler still asleep. Will leave as soon as I can!” shows effort to respect your time. Silence for 90 minutes? That’s where resentment brews.
Parents often assume non-parents “won’t understand” sleep schedule struggles. Meanwhile, friends without kids might interpret lateness as indifference. This creates a disconnect that could be solved with clearer dialogue.
The “Unspoken Rules” of Friendship
Healthy relationships require mutual effort. If a friend’s chronic lateness becomes a pattern, it’s worth addressing—not to shame them, but to realign expectations. Consider these approaches:
1. Frame it as teamwork. Say: “I totally get that naps are sacred! Maybe we can plan meetups right after your little one wakes up?” This acknowledges their challenge while suggesting solutions.
2. Set gentle boundaries. If last-minute changes stress you out, propose a 15-minute “grace period” before rescheduling. Example: “If you’re running more than 20 minutes late, let’s pick another day so we can both relax.”
3. Be honest (with kindness). If you felt hurt, share it without blame: “I was really excited to see you, and the long wait made me feel like an afterthought. Can we brainstorm ways to make this easier?”
The Bigger Picture: Flexibility Goes Both Ways
Life with young kids is unpredictable. Sometimes, a parent’s best-laid plans implode because of a fever, diaper blowout, or sudden refusal to wear pants. Flexibility from friends is a gift. But parents also need to recognize that accommodating their chaos shouldn’t be one-sided.
For non-parents: Small gestures matter. Offering to meet near their home or suggesting shorter, more frequent hangouts reduces stress for everyone.
For parents: Avoid using parenthood as a blanket excuse. Apologize sincerely for delays, and reciprocate flexibility when your friend faces their own challenges (work deadlines, family obligations, etc.).
Final Verdict: NAH (No Assholes Here)
In this scenario, neither party is inherently wrong. You’re justified in wanting punctuality, and your friend is justified in prioritizing her child’s needs. The conflict arises from unspoken expectations and a lack of collaborative problem-solving.
The path forward? Talk it out. Open, non-judgmental communication can bridge this gap. Maybe you agree to weekend meetups when her partner can handle nap duty, or you embrace virtual coffee dates during hectic phases.
Friendship isn’t about keeping score—it’s about adapting to each other’s realities. By blending empathy with honesty, you’ll strengthen the relationship and minimize future frustrations. After all, isn’t that what lasting friendships are built on?
Please indicate: Thinking In Educating » When Plans Collide With Parenthood: Navigating Friendship Frustrations