I’m the Dad of 8 Kids – Here’s What Nobody Tells You About Big Families
Let’s address the elephant in the room first: Yes, my wife and I have eight children. And no, none of them are twins or triplets. Our kids range from a college sophomore to a toddler who still believes socks are optional footwear. Over the years, I’ve fielded every question imaginable—from “How do you afford it?” to “Do you even remember all their names?” (Spoiler: Yes, but sometimes I mix up their birthdays.)
If you’re curious about life in a household where chaos is the default setting and quiet moments are mythical creatures, pull up a chair. Here are the real, unfiltered answers to the questions people actually want to ask.
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1. “How Do You Manage Time Without Losing Your Mind?”
Time management in a big family is less about color-coded calendars and more about survival instincts. Picture this: seven kids need to catch the school bus at 7:15 a.m., and the eighth is crying because their cereal got “too soggy.” Our secret? Routine is king.
Every Sunday, we plan meals, outfits, and activities for the week. Assignments are delegated (yes, even the 5-year-old can sort laundry), and we use a giant whiteboard to track schedules. But flexibility is nonnegotiable. Last week, my 12-year-old forgot her science project, so we pivoted dinner prep into a makeshift volcano eruption. Did it work? Let’s just say the kitchen smelled like vinegar for days.
Pro tip: Teach kids early to be self-sufficient. By age 8, ours can make sandwiches, pack lunches, and negotiate sibling disputes like tiny United Nations ambassadors.
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2. “Isn’t It Expensive to Raise Eight Kids?”
Let’s not sugarcoat it: Raising a big family isn’t cheap. But we’ve mastered the art of frugality. Hand-me-downs are currency here. My youngest son’s “new” jeans have been worn by three siblings, and my daughters swap shoes like they’re trading Pokémon cards.
Groceries? We buy in bulk, cook from scratch, and repurpose leftovers creatively (taco meat becomes chili, chili becomes pasta sauce). We prioritize experiences over things—library memberships, park days, and DIY crafts cost little but create lasting memories.
The biggest financial lesson? Teamwork saves money. Older kids babysit the younger ones, reducing childcare costs. We trade skills with other families (my wife tutors math; a neighbor fixes our lawnmower). It’s not glamorous, but it works.
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3. “Do the Kids Get Enough Individual Attention?”
This is the question that keeps me up at night. In a big family, it’s easy for quieter kids to fade into the background. Our solution: One-on-one “dates”. Every month, each child gets a solo outing with a parent—even if it’s just a walk to the ice cream shop.
We also lean into their unique interests. My 15-year-old loves robotics, so I watch YouTube tutorials with him (even though I barely understand capacitors). My 7-year-old is obsessed with dinosaurs, so we turn grocery trips into “fossil hunts” by hiding plastic T-rexes in the produce aisle.
Key takeaway: Attention isn’t about quantity; it’s about intentionality. A 10-minute conversation where you’re fully present beats a distracted hour.
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4. “What’s the Hardest Part Nobody Talks About?”
Two words: Laundry and guilt.
First, laundry. Imagine 10 people generating enough dirty clothes to fill a washing machine twice a day. Socks disappear into a parallel universe. I once found a mismatched sock collection behind the dryer that could outfit a small village.
Then there’s the guilt. No parent is perfect, but in a big family, mistakes feel amplified. Did I yell too much during the morning chaos? Did my middle child feel overlooked during the school play? We combat this by apologizing openly and involving kids in problem-solving. Family meetings are a safe space to vent and brainstorm solutions.
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5. “How Do You Keep Your Marriage Strong?”
Romance in a house full of kids looks different. Forget candlelit dinners; our version is whispering inside jokes while folding laundry at midnight. But we protect two things fiercely:
1. Weekly “us time”: Even if it’s just a 20-minute coffee after the kids are in bed.
2. Shared goals: We revisit our “family vision” every year. Are we raising kind humans? Check. Are we having fun along the way? Working on it.
We also tag-team parenting. If I’m handling tantrums, my wife tackles homework. Teamwork isn’t optional—it’s survival.
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6. “Would You Recommend Having a Big Family?”
It’s not for everyone, but here’s the magic nobody mentions: Big families teach resilience. Our kids learn to share, negotiate, and advocate for themselves early. They’ll never feel alone—there’s always someone to play with, argue with, or borrow a hoodie from.
That said, it requires sacrifice. My car looks like a cross between a snack pantry and a sports equipment locker. Privacy? A distant memory. But when I see my teenagers teaching their little sister to ride a bike, or the whole crew laughing over a board game, I know we’ve built something irreplaceable.
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Final Thoughts
Parenting eight kids is messy, loud, and exhausting. But it’s also filled with tiny victories: the first time a kid makes their bed without being asked, the pride in their eyes when they master a new skill, the spontaneous group hugs that smell like syrup and grass stains.
So if you’re considering a big family, ask yourself: Can you embrace chaos? Find joy in the small stuff? Laugh when the baby draws on the walls again? If yes, you’ll survive—and maybe even thrive.
And if you ever need advice, you know where to find me. (Hint: Probably at the grocery store, buying milk. Again.)
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