“Am I Being Gaslit, and Do I Have the Right to Be Pissed?”
We’ve all been there: A conversation leaves you feeling like you’re losing your grip on reality. Someone dismisses your feelings, insists you’re “overreacting,” or rewrites history in a way that makes you question your own memory. If this sounds familiar, you might be asking yourself two urgent questions: Am I being gaslit? and Do I have the right to be angry about it?
Let’s unpack this.
What Gaslighting Actually Looks Like
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where someone makes you doubt your perceptions, memories, or sanity. It’s not just a buzzword—it’s a pattern of behavior that erodes your confidence over time. Classic signs include:
– Denying facts: “I never said that. You must be imagining things.”
– Minimizing your emotions: “Why are you so sensitive? It was just a joke.”
– Shifting blame: “If you hadn’t done X, I wouldn’t have reacted that way.”
– Twisting narratives: “You’re misremembering. What actually happened was…”
For example, imagine confronting a partner about forgetting your anniversary. Instead of apologizing, they say, “You’re being dramatic. We never even agreed to celebrate it this year.” Suddenly, you’re left wondering if you messed up. That’s gaslighting in action.
Why Gaslighting Feels So Confusing
Gaslighting works because it exploits our natural desire to trust people we care about. When someone we love or respect insists our reality is wrong, it creates cognitive dissonance—a mental tug-of-war between what we feel and what we’re told to believe. Over time, this can lead to self-doubt, anxiety, or even isolation, as we withdraw to avoid conflict.
What makes it especially insidious is that gaslighters often frame themselves as the “rational” ones. They might use phrases like, “I’m just trying to help you see the truth,” or “You’re too emotional to think clearly.” This can leave you feeling guilty for having feelings in the first place.
The Million-Dollar Question: Do You Have a Right to Be Angry?
Short answer: Absolutely.
Long answer: Your emotions are always valid. Anger is a natural response to feeling disrespected, manipulated, or unheard. Gaslighting isn’t just a minor disagreement—it’s a violation of trust. When someone dismisses your reality, they’re essentially saying, “Your feelings don’t matter.” That’s infuriating, and you have every right to feel that fury.
But here’s the catch: Gaslighters often weaponize anger to further their narrative. They might say, “See? You’re getting worked up over nothing. This proves you’re unstable.” This is why so many victims second-guess their reactions.
Let’s be clear: Anger isn’t “proof” you’re wrong. It’s a signal that your boundaries are being crossed. The key is to channel that anger into action, not self-criticism.
How to Respond (Without Losing Your Cool)
1. Trust Your Gut
If something feels off, it probably is. Start documenting interactions—write down what was said, how it made you feel, and any inconsistencies. This creates a concrete record to counter self-doubt.
2. Set Boundaries
Calmly state your position: “I’m not okay with you dismissing my feelings. I remember what happened, and I need you to acknowledge that.” If the gaslighter refuses to engage respectfully, disengage. You can’t force someone to change, but you can control your participation.
3. Seek Support
Talk to a trusted friend, therapist, or support group. Gaslighting thrives in secrecy; saying your experience aloud helps dismantle the illusion that “you’re the problem.”
4. Practice Self-Validation
Repeat this mantra: My feelings are real. My memories are valid. I deserve respect. Gaslighting makes you feel small, but reconnecting with your self-worth rebuilds your emotional armor.
When Gaslighting Isn’t Intentional
Not everyone who gaslights is a malicious mastermind. Sometimes, people mimic toxic behaviors they learned growing up or deflect accountability out of shame. But intent ≠ impact. Even unintentional gaslighting harms relationships. If someone genuinely cares, they’ll listen when you explain how their actions affect you. If they double down? That’s your cue to reevaluate the relationship.
Final Thoughts: Trust Yourself
Gaslighting messes with your head, but reclaiming your truth starts with a simple act: believing in your right to feel what you feel. Anger isn’t your enemy—it’s a compass pointing you toward what needs to change. You don’t need permission to be upset. You don’t need someone else’s approval to trust your instincts.
If you’re still wondering whether you’re “allowed” to be pissed, let this be your answer: Yes. Always. Your emotions are yours, and no one gets to delegitimize them. The next time someone tries to rewrite your reality, remember: You’re not crazy. You’re not “too sensitive.” You’re a human being deserving of honesty and respect—and that’s non-negotiable.
Please indicate: Thinking In Educating » “Am I Being Gaslit, and Do I Have the Right to Be Pissed