When Daycares Assume Moms Are the “Fun” Parents
Picture this: A mom checks her inbox during a work meeting and finds a cheerful email from her child’s daycare titled “Fun Friday Art Project Ideas to Try at Home!”. She smiles, saves it for later, and mentally adds it to her growing list of weekend plans. Meanwhile, the child’s dad—equally involved in parenting—receives no such email. Instead, his inbox holds a straightforward message about tuition payments and a reminder to update emergency contact forms.
This scenario isn’t hypothetical. A growing number of daycare centers have quietly adopted communication practices that funnel “fun” or creative updates primarily to mothers, while fathers receive logistical or administrative correspondence. At first glance, this might seem harmless—even practical. But dig deeper, and it reveals outdated assumptions about gender roles in parenting that affect families, workplaces, and children’s perceptions of caregiving.
Why Do Daycares Default to Moms?
Daycare staff often explain the practice as a time-saving measure. “Moms are usually the ones asking about crafts or classroom activities during pickup,” one director shared anonymously. “Dads tend to focus on practical questions.” While this observation might align with some family dynamics, it ignores the diversity of modern parenting arrangements.
Societal norms still position mothers as the “default” nurturers and fathers as secondary helpers. A 2023 study by the Pew Research Center found that 64% of adults still believe mothers do a better job than fathers at managing children’s schedules and emotional needs. Daycares, whether consciously or not, often mirror these biases in their communications.
The Ripple Effects of Assumptions
What seems like a small oversight—sending a recipe for homemade playdough to Mom but not Dad—can have unintended consequences. For mothers, it reinforces the mental load of being the family’s “activities director.” A mom in Ohio described feeling overwhelmed: “I already handle bedtime, meal prep, and doctor appointments. Now I’m expected to curate Pinterest-worthy projects too, just because the daycare assumes I’m the ‘fun’ parent?”
For fathers, exclusion from lighthearted updates can feel dismissive. “It sends a message that my role is just to pay bills and show up when there’s a problem,” said a dad from Texas. “I want to bond with my kids through play, but the system acts like that’s not my job.” Research supports this sentiment: A University of Michigan study found that fathers who engage in creative play with their children report stronger emotional bonds and higher parenting satisfaction.
Children also absorb these gendered cues. When daycares position moms as the sole architects of fun, kids internalize the idea that caregiving is inherently feminine. A preschool teacher in California noticed this firsthand: “Boys in my class often say things like, ‘I’ll ask my mom—she knows about the art stuff.’ We need to ask ourselves: Are we part of the problem?”
Breaking the Cycle: What Daycares Can Do
Forward-thinking childcare centers are reevaluating their communication strategies. The key? Treating all caregivers as equally capable of—and interested in—the joys and chores of parenting.
1. Audit Communication Practices
Are event invitations, activity ideas, and classroom photos being sent to all guardians? Or only to those labeled “primary” contacts (who are often moms)? Simple fixes, like using group emails or offering opt-in/opt-out preferences, can ensure all parents feel included.
2. Use Gender-Neutral Language
Replace phrases like “Hey Moms!” in newsletters with “Dear Families” or “Caregivers.” Avoid stereotypes in content, too (e.g., assuming only mothers want tips on calming tantrums).
3. Celebrate Diverse Family Structures
Share stories of stay-at-home dads, grandparent caregivers, or same-sex couples in daycare materials. Visibility normalizes varied parenting roles.
4. Educate Staff on Unconscious Bias
Training sessions can help teachers recognize subtle biases. For example, do they instinctively call Mom first when a child scrapes a knee? Do they praise dads for “babysitting” their own kids?
What Parents Can Do
Families aren’t powerless in this dynamic. Open dialogue with daycare providers can spark change. One mom in New York requested that activity emails be sent to both parents, explaining, “My husband loves doing science experiments with our daughter. Cutting him out limits their bonding time.” The daycare apologized and updated their policy.
Fathers can also advocate for themselves. A dad in Florida replied to a tuition reminder with, “Thanks for the invoice! Could you also add me to the list for craft ideas? My son and I love trying those.” The staff admitted they’d never considered the oversight.
The Bigger Picture
This issue isn’t unique to daycares. From pediatricians’ offices (“Mom will schedule the next appointment, right?”) to school volunteer forms (“Room Parent Coordinator: Mothers Only”), institutions often default to outdated norms. Each small interaction shapes cultural expectations about who bears the emotional labor of parenting.
By challenging these patterns, daycares have an opportunity to model inclusivity. Imagine a world where children see all caregivers—moms, dads, grandparents, or chosen family—as equal partners in the messy, magical work of raising kids. It starts with something as simple as an email.
The next time a daycare sends out a “fun” update, let’s make sure it’s addressed to anyone who might want to build a cardboard rocket or bake cookies with their child—no gendered assumptions required.
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